Hi, I’ve had this one on my mind for a while, and I just need advice on what to do, but I do feel like an a-hole for what I’m doing behind my mom’s back.
I will move to my bf’s place for good…
My mom (34) and I (16 at the time) had an argument. My dad had thought I was hiding something from them, because I wasn’t showing him my phone immediately. i was in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend of three months at the time. I didn’t want my parents to find out because my boyfriend is half Thai, half white. My parents do not want me dating someone who is not chinese.
My mom had a history of bad experiences with white guys and she told me she did not want me to dating a white man because she didn’t want the same thing to happen to me. My dad on the other hand is very racist against everyone.
On to the argument, my dad had went to the bathroom, and my mom was left interrogating me asking what I was hiding. I told her I had a boyfriend because she threatened to take everything away from me if I didn’t tell her. She seemed relieved, and asked his name. I told her his name and her immediate question was “is he a foreigner?” And I nodded. She immediately told me to break up with him and that “I shouldn’t be doing that.” I told my mom I would break up with him, but I never did.
I do feel guilty for lying to my mom, but I’m very in love with my boyfriend. We’re both young (17) but he’s been by my side more than my parents have.
We constantly face time, text, play games etc. Whenever we get into an argument he never yells at me and we communicate correctly. It’s us vs the problem, as we describe it. My dad has made inappropriate comments towards me, and I would tell my mom and she blew it off and said “he sees you in me, don’t pay attention to it he doesn’t mean it” I think I do resent my parents because of that. There’s more like not taking my mental health seriously, constantly treating me like a child, and sexualization from my dad. I resent them for all of that and I feel guilty because they are my parents.
My boyfriend treats me very well. Has been there for me, never has called me out of name, and does everything he can to make me happy. I do not want to break up with him, but I feel like I’m the asshole for going behind my moms back and resenting her. I know what she’s been through, but I do love him with all my heart and feel like I should be allowed to love who I love. Regardless of how my parents feel. Am I the asshole?