I (42f) told my 19-year-old daughter who currently lives with her fiancé (36m), that she must either choose us or her soon-to-be husband, unfortunately, who she met when she was newly turned 18 at her father’s (49m) business conference.
He has made it seem like we are the bad guys who don’t want them together but that is not it.
We don’t want them together because of who she has become. She is now distant, only gives us bland replies which we know he has indoctrinated her with, she hasn’t spoken to her father at all because she doesn’t want “work issues” between them, which again wouldn’t happen.
He lavishes her with materialistic gifts just so he can manipulate her into loving him or his “company”. He proposed to her just after a year of their relationship.
Now that Christmas is near, we invited her and him over because we knew she wouldn’t come if we didn’t invite him. She still declined and told us she was going to his families bungalow. We tried to tell her they can come a couple of days after Christmas and she still declined.
That is when I called her and told her, “this isn’t going to be tolerated by me or your father any longer”. I informed her that she must either respect our wishes or his and that “it’s either us or him, who do you pick?” and she just told us to sleep because we seemed sleep deprived of the foolish questions we were asking.
I haven’t spoken to her since (three days ago) but am I wrong for giving her this ultimatum?