I met my bf on a dating app because I was looking for a love marriage however my bf acts as if this is an arranged marriage.
My bf told me that his mom was trying to hook him up with girls but he wanted to find his own love so he went on a dating app. We met and throughout our relationship, my bf let’s his mom make the calls in our relationship for example;
- he promised that he would take me on vacation and his mom told him no because he hasn’t met my parents yet. He was down to take me until his mom said no.
- his mom constantly pressures me and asks me when my bf is going to meet my parents. I thought she was just pushing her own agenda on me because my bf doesn’t even ask me or talk to me about these things…. later on I find out that he resents me cuz he hasn’t met my parents yet. Point is my bf doesn’t communicate what HE wants. It’s always what his mom wants for him.
- whenever we have conflict in our relationship he goes straight to his mom as if he needs her approval/ validation/ advice
- he told me he wouldn’t marry me unless his mom approves of my family
- he sports gambles everyday but won’t stop because he doesn’t have responsibilities such as a wife or kids. You’d think if he was in love and wanted those responsibilities he would change and work towards becoming better for us. But apparently it isn’t real to him until his mom approves of my family.
- he relies on his moms approval for big decisions such as a buying a house for us. He doesn’t even bother to ask me what I think or want
In a love marriage it’s one thing to make sure that your partner gets along with your parents but it’s another to let your parents completely dictate what you can and cannot do within a relationship/ during conflicts. To me this feels like an arranged marriage.
My bf doesn’t understand my way of thinking and I can’t understand his.
He said he didn’t want an arranged marriage but it just feels like he picked his own partner out and bought her to his mother so that she could arrange his marriage for him. I don’t get how it can work both ways.
I went into this wanting a love marriage but it seems like this is more of an arranged marriage..
Can anyone help me understand his perspective..,