I’ve failed at life. I’m a loser.
I’m a 30 year old man with not a cent in savings, living paycheck to paycheck with my only friend in life (my dog), and working a tedious job as an oil and tire mechanic.
My wife left me after 8 years together. She said herself I’m a loser and that’s why I’ve got no friends and my family doesn’t love me (mine or hers).
But… she’s not completely wrong. My own family doesn’t like me. My dad hasn’t and never will include me in the family business, my mom pities me which is why she speaks to me at all, my sister and her husband are put off by me, and I’ve got to say none of them do or have said they love me in years.
My only “friend” speaks to me once a month and sees me less than that, but he doesn’t include me in his personal life or circle of friends. When I ask why he brushes it off, but I know it’s because he wants to keep me at arm’s length from his real friends.
Since my divorce I’ve put on weight because I drink excessively now. If I stop for too long I get the shakes. The jitteriness is terrible. But times like this week I’m too broke for booze and have to deal with it until payday Wednesday.
I’m desperate for any sort of affection that I chased away the only woman to show interest in me since the divorce. We went on two dates and my constant texting resulted in her saying we should just be friends. It wasn’t like I was professing my love in Shakespearean soliloquies, but was a steady barrage of, “How’s your day?” and “Wyd?” Because otherwise nobody but my mom talks to me anymore.
I got so lonely last year that I literally paid to get laid.
My job is dead end, but might just be getting worse because while I can do this job without any certificates or degrees, new management says he wants the yard staffed with mechanics. I can’t afford to go to school and he’s not paying for an employee to get training when he can just hire an established mechanic.
Speaking of work and school, I’ve never held a job longer than 4 or 5 years. I’ve done warehouse work, construction, and electrical before this. I’ve routinely been fired or replaced.
So there it is. Frankly, I’m certain my dog is the only living soul that loves me and she’s getting older. Once she’s gone, I’ll actually have nothing and no one at this rate.