Touch starved: How to live without intimacy (31f)?
Im a 31 year old woman, never dated, never had a boyfriend. In my 20s i had some sort of on-off fwb relation with a man, so i at least am not a virgin.
I feel like my situation is fairly unique, especially for a woman and im quite ashamed for my lack of experience.
I feel quite behind in life and like im missing out a lot. In the last 3 years i started to suffer from skin hunger (lack of touch) and it’s really dragging me down more and more.
I suffer from mental health problems (already since being a young adult) and the lack of intimacy makes it even worse and harder.
At this point i feel like i have to live like this all my life and it’s killing me slowly inside. I dont know what to expect from this post. Probably just had to let it all out. Maybe someone deals with something similar, dont know. Thanks for reading.
Netizens’ comments
- First of all congratulations on being brave enough to talk about your situation. I applaud you! If more people were open about what they where feeling you probably wouldn’t be feeling that way. I get it. I just got out of a 3year relationship and suddenly overnight no intimacy with no closure. I feel angry and lost since my relationship ended, I guess 2 months ago. The only thing working for me is going against what my head is telling me, ( go back asleep, you will never find anyone, your a looser, you get the point.) I have to ignore my head and lead with my heart in everything I do. This has been a struggle, but it is getting a little easier each day. I hope this helps, and know you are not alone.
- When my last boyfriemd (who I was living with 3 years) broke up it was especially hard to not get that daily tough It was hard for way worse reasons but yeah this sucked
- I am going to echo that you should seek therapy. If not that, find someone you trust that you can talk to in real life about these things.
- Don’t put yourself down. I didn’t lose my virginity until 35. I am 41 now and have zero regrets about my experiences. It took some work to flip my perspective and find confidence and happiness. I know you are capable of that too.
- I’m kind of on the same boat. 27M, also touch starved and in a depressive episode. Physical touch is my love language.
I think the first thing to do is to interact with friends/make friends. Just hugging people and being near people honestly helps a lot.
I say not to rush into a relationship, especially because not everyone understand the struggle we face. I learned to be vulnerable little by little, as things feel safe.
Dating can be scary, but I don’t think there is any shame in taking your time or not having much experience. It doesn’t matter the singlest bit, at least for me.