I had someone show interest in me for the first time at 45.
If I didn’t know better, I’d think this makes my food taste even better.
I never had a girlfriend. Tried online dating and going out of my comfort zone to meet new people. I read a few books on the subject. I followed the usual advice you can find online and elsewhere, but it didn’t work out. I struggle to find my place among people, feel like I’m still the same weirdo I was at 18.
After several years I cut my losses and admitted some things are not meant to be. Some folks don’t become rockstars, and I wouldn’t know intimacy and love. Didn’t make the loneliness easier to bear, but it did lift a weight from my shoulders to admit I wouldn’t amount to much in love, that I’m too late to the party to make up for the lost time. I forced myself not to lust after women, not to fantasize about relationships and make peace with an entire life spent alone. Seems drastic, but I needed that for my mind.
I focused on my stuff even more than before, worked on computers, played video games, watched movies and read books, cut down on my social life to accomodate more loner hobbies.
Come today and I invited a lady friend over for dinner, I like to cook and do that every now and then, friends make good guinea pigs for new recipes. Just kidding, I don’t have a very refined palate and need other opinions than mine to polish my dishes the proper way.
We ate and discussed, during that she told me she wanted to invite me over to her place for dinner, this time as a real date. I asked why, she said she thought she was attracted to me. It’s one of the weirdest things I was ever told, it sounded almost alien.
I let her down gently, I wasn’t interested in her and am not looking to start with dating and relationships at 45.
But being told someone was into me made the food taste differently. I’m still high from the sensation, it’s pretty great. I’m not much, so I take the small successes where I can. It’s been a good day.