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Friday, January 27, 2023
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GIRL THOUGHT THAT SHE COULD ABORT IF IT “HAPPENS” BUT HARD TO REALLY DO IT

6 weeks pregnant and I need someone talk me off a ledge

I need someone to take me off a ledge because I am freaking out.

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I really don’t want to post something long because my mind is just all over the place and I’m probably not in the best state with my hormones going all rampant. About 6 weeks 4 days pregnant. Had an ultrasound a week ago, viable pregnancy. Im 38. No kids. I’ve been with my partner for about 3 years. He has always wanted kids, but I have never felt ready.

Everyone tells me no one is ready.

I hate my job. I’ve grown to disdain it and have been working hard at looking for a new one. Im not doing what I really feel like I should be doing and I’ve been working hard at getting somewhere with it and this is something that’s been important to me since I was young. Im 38 now and I feel like I’m not financially ready even with a partner who lives about 2 hours away. Im taking care of my mom who has seriously been taking a toll on me mentally because she has some mental health issues and hasn’t been working, completely immobilized and cannot even go outside. I don’t know how to do both.

Im at the cusp of a mental breakdown. I thought I would be ok with something like this when the time comes but I just want to call my doctor to end it. And then there’s a part of me that feels like I shouldn’t. Like this is it, I can’t go back now. This could be it and it’s the last chance. I don’t want regrets that are insurmountable in my later years. What if this is happiness and I will never know because I decided not to keep it?

I just feel like, I know myself enough that if I do keep the baby, that baby would be my whole life. And all those dreams, out the door. For a while anyways. I don’t know how to simultaneously handle what’s going on with my family and have a baby at a job I don’t really like. I’d feel stuck.

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I already feel stuck thinking about it.

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