He told me to shut up while we were doing it
I’ve always had trouble setting boundaries with men (thanks to my totalitarian father!) I am seeing a new guy lately, I like him a lot. He has always been sweet to me, has only spoken to me kindly and has made a lot of lovely gestures that are coded into my love language.
I invite him over to my place mostly when we are intimate (very often lately). My roommate was home today, and I find it awkward to have loud intercourse that could possibly bother her. I was riding him for a while, and I was trying to tone down my moans because I don’t want her to hear us.
He gets very turned on when I’m loud and asks me to talk often during our “exercise”. So while I was on top of him I stopped briefly and I was trying to explain that we should try to be quiet but suddenly his eyes flashed and he said “Shut up” in such an annoying way that it hurt my feelings.
I immediately stopped being intimate with him and had a conversation about how I found his tone disrespectful.
He even started gaslighting me saying that I enjoyed being called names in bed so how was it different? Then he was upset that he couldn’t finish and kept pestering me to continue but I stood my ground. Eventually I got through to him and told him to never talk like that to me again and he was apologetic and thanked me for explaining why I’m upset without getting angry.
I felt it was a sort of victory for me, a few months ago I could have never set boundaries like that and would have let a guy guilt me into being intimate immediately again.
This is the first red flag I’ve seen from this guy, so I’m not sure if I will continue seeing him, but I find myself very capable of cutting him off if I see it again. It’s relieving to have self-respect and to advocate for it.