My girlfriend (F23) and I (M23) have been together 5 years. The last time we got intimate was March. Before that, January. She will say or do literally anything to not sleep with me.
If I touch her in bed, immediately she’ll say something like “oh man I sure do feel sick right now”, “wow I have alot of vaginal pain tonight, oh and hear this [clicks jaw]. Hurts alot”. She even tries to make me grossed out or repulsed. If I do try initiate (kisses, touching etc) she’ll say something like “I wouldn’t go down there if I were you, I’ve had explosive diarrhea all day”. Even if I go in for a spoon, a platonic cuddle or whatever she’ll always comment “you’re not going to try to do it with me are you?”.
If I try ask her in advance, like booking a date, she’ll tell me that planning it makes her anxious and puts pressure. If I try be spontaneous, she “doesn’t have enough time to consent”.
Obviously I have talked to her about this and how it makes me feel. Depending on her mood, it goes either 3 ways:
- she insists theres no problem and our intimate life is normal
- she gets mad, blames me for pressuring her
- she starts crying, saying how much of a bad girlfriend she is and begs me not to leave her
When we aren’t in bed, she clings to me hard. Won’t leave me alone, wants to spend the whole day watching movies (she has literally no hobbies) and gets upset if I want to do something different (“you dont love me? You don’t like hanging out with me?”). How can I want to spend time with someone who is repulsed by the idea of intimacy with me? She won’t even let me shower in peace, will literally just jump in with me and start showering. But god forbid my genitals touch her. Even if I’m on the toilet she’ll be outside talking to me. The only break I get is at work. But even then if I dont nonstop text her on my break I “dont love her enough”. She’s utterly codependent.
The rare times we do have intercourse, foreplay is all my job. I might get a non-interested 30s handy before her “arthritis” starts hurting. She won’t even attempt oral with me. She won’t get on top either. Its always “too difficult”. Basically she’s just a piece of plywood in bed. But despite her best efforts not to enjoy it, I always make her come 2-3 times. But me, I can’t finish anywhere in, on or near her (tissues only). Afterwards she tells me how good it was and we should do it more. But if I try to initiate in the next couple of days, she’s in “too much pain from last time”.
Two years ago when my birthday was approaching, I asked her months in advance if she could do something naughty for me. All I asked is if she could wear some lingerie I bought her and if she could try initiate with me the morning of. She literally fake slept until noon, and when I was in the shower she got up and made pancakes as an apology. I said its fine and we can maybe try again tonight. All of a sudden, she drops the sharpest kitchen knife we own on her foot. Blood everywhere. Ensue hospital trip. Spent the whole day in emergency. Afterall, why was she using a sharp cooking knife for pancakes? Obviously I can’t prove it was on purpose, but regardless thats how I spent my 21st.
Now before everyone starts having a go at me, I’m not some intimacy-deprived machine that’s constantly trying to molest her. I try to initiate maybe once a fortnight, and in between that I always try be very romantic by taking her on dates, buying her gifts and visiting her at work. I honestly have no memory of any time where she initiated. I’ve asked her about this, and she straight up will tell me “I wont initiate. I dont like to”. She won’t elaborate any further.