Always wanted to write this post but never had the strength nor courage to. It’s something I should’ve done long ago- to clear my name with some friends/acquaintances, and to also face the truth myself.
These few days I’ve read the comments cathartically, seeing people stepping out to speak the truth, TY cause now I dare share my side of the story too.
There’s been posts from fellow musicians’ POV, from Clients’ POV, from Fans’ POV and also from Audiences POV.
Allow me to share my story from a ex-partner of almost 3 years POV.
Super long post. BIG DISCLAIMER; I’m sorry if this post triggers the other victims. (would Anon this but it’ll probably be reported/deleted). I plainly wish to use this wave to share the truth and the horror I’ve experienced personally from this monster.
Ok start.
国宝 is the WORST person I’ve ever met, spent 3 years of living together (or should I say enslaved lol) almost everyday with him.
Have you heard of this term love-bombing before? he damn pro at it. First spam you to get your attention, saying everything you wanna hear, future-making and basically being your dream guy to make you fall for him.
I was young and naive, they were all young and naive. His girls usually are kind-hearted souls, willing to give him a listening ear, not knowing what kind of poison it is to hear his brainwashing.
He usually can call and word vomit to you for anywhere between 1-8 hours. And 95% of the time it is him talking.
Have literally tried putting the phone down cause I was in a work lunch and I pick my phone up 30mins later he’s still going on without noticing I was away (he was going off on me cause I missed ONE call, so naturally he accuses me of sleeping with my colleague)
Anyways, after he confirmed he hooked you alr, the tables will turn insidiously. Slowly it changes into a cycle of blaming you for everything ‘bad’ that happens, blaming you for not being good enough for him.
And you will believe him when he says it’s your fault. You end up doing anything for more of the affection he once showed. And when he mercifully gives it to you, it feels like it’s the most wonderful thing on earth. Because you finally earned your Prince Charming back lol.
By his book, anything that goes wrong, it is your fault and you have to be punished and make up to him for it. But he himself can do no wrong.
He convinces you he IS that person you first fell for, BUT because you didn’t do this or because of that reason, he has to punish you to make you learn to behave.
Even with all this warped reasoning, at some point you’ll lost your sense of what’s reasonable anymore and believe that if you just try harder, it will all be ok.
He’s cut me off from my friends, restricted my movements(he can go to friends’ gatherings but I cannot- always finds a reason that I’ve done something wrong). He cuts me off from people that pose a threat to him, i.e everyone who can see through him, by saying bad things about them and finding all sorts of reasons to ban me from hanging out with them.
He forces you to block out ppl that he doesn’t like too.
Because you believe him, you start to doubt your sanity and everyone around you. At this point he’s established he’s the only impt thing in your life and you should live to only please him.
You have to act like you’re okay all the damn time, in front of strangers, in front of family and friends, and ESPECIALLY on social media. Because if you’re not okay, you’re dead lol. he will punish you till you’re okay(ironically). So you got to act okay even though you’re dying inside. The cognitive dissonance almost drove me insane.
People always asked me – wtf are you stupid? Just leave la.
It came to a point I couldn’t explain anymore because no one could understand.
I can tell you it’s really next to impossible to get out of this cycle once you’re in it. Because with just a call from him, you will be compelled to obey like a dog,(yes he says I’m that), and literally tremble in fear of incurring his wrath. You have to do everything he wants without questioning(he HATES me questioning because usually my questions are valid e.g why was that girl in your room I thought you told me you didn’t have any lessons).
It came to a point where he could trigger panic attacks in me with just a phone call or a text. I would tremble in cold sweat and spend sleepless nights beside him crying whilst he doesn’t give a shit. On eggshells everyday. I even got over my fear of ghosts.
Swear to god even now, years on now, whenever I see a post regarding him it still triggers a panicky reflex in me. I believe it does so for the others too.
I had dared to go speak to a few of his other girls(exes/flings). From what I saw, It’s the same situation, the tactics he used, words he said, promises he makes, are exactly the same. rinse and repeat. works like a charm.
There was one who he got together 10 days(???) after we last broke up, she doubted me because in his words I’m the crazy ex who ruined HIS life. Till I showed proof he’s cheating on her too, cause whilst dating her he was constantly trying to get me back – under his control duh.
How to get me back? He usually spam calls and harasses you till you respond, using different numbers from strangers downstairs, coffeeshop uncle’s mobile, 7-11 cashier’s, his official workplace’s hotline. Whatever goes.
218 missed calls overnight was the record. lol. I slept through that one.
basically, he is someone who CANNOT be alone At all.
So, after he knows he’s got me psychologically locked in chains, he made these gradually absurd requests that I found myself following with no own free will.
We had to pretend to not be on a date if someone he doesn’t want to find out we’re together happens to meet us.
He’s asked me to wait in his parent’s other room whilst he has the other girl he’s dating in his own bedroom. And I’m not allowed to leave the other room. I would HIDE from the person he was cheating on me with.
I remember sitting under the stage whilst listening to people ‘shipping’ him & his new target, 在一起 在一起. Whilst at night I’m the one with him at home packing his things, helping with chores, being a complete sandbag for his psychological abuse. Bravo
On cheating? Yea he’s a serial cheater, he did it to me a grand total of 3 times, like clockwork every year. And even dared to do it right in front of my face and RATIONALIZED IT.
When we first got together, he was going between 3 girls. Literally went out sleeping with someone else TEN YEARS OLDER than me in the morning and come home to me to do the same, with zero shame. How I knew it then was because the other woman found out first and blocked me. When I found out the truth I was so traumatized and questioned him, but guess what, in that same hour he managed to make ME apologize for bringing up the matter, cause I ruined his day. So I had to beg for his forgiveness.
Also I’m not allowed to touch his phone, but for him he has the right to check mine anytime.(red flag ) I’m always accused of cheating on him (
) though I have close to zero male friends by then.
Can I also share that to not reveal he watched a movie with another girl, he watched the same movie the 2nd time with me and pretended he never watch before the whole time. Effort.
During our 2nd year, after ‘dumping’ me the night before, he went and confirmed his relationship with his new girl. He still managed to talk to me for hours when I came to collect my things from his house, and did something so disgusting I shan’t elaborate. Then told me to wait for him, saying there’s can be a chance we will be together maybe few years down the road. Future is unpredictable etc. that dumb girl I was then believed it and hoped it was true. (?? Lol)
I remember that night so clearly, he told me he decided to choose that girl (that he knew barely two months back) and that ‘she understands me more than you’ ‘you know why you should leave? Answer me, you know the answer.’
‘Because I’m not good enough’
… most painful thing I ever uttered zz
Anyways, after that I realized they fell out barely few weeks after being tgt, I(risking my life) reached out to the girl. We found out that he was completely playing us. He told her I was a FWB and was chasing him, but he will be loyal to her because she’s his dream girl. well, he started treating her like shit barely a month together.
Fair enough, many didn’t know the truth because I was a secret hidden from most of his fans and friends, except the few whom he cannot hide from e.g his family and mine, or really close friends.
That’s why usually I need to wait downstairs till he’s done with his female students, in case they see me. I used to have to hide somewhere and wait for hours on end wherever he goes, because his time is 10x more precious than mine(his exact words thank you).
I had to leave his gig scenes early to avoid leaving the venue with him in case his female fans see it and ‘misunderstand’.
He would text girls and add all the pretty girls on Facebook IN FRONT of me shamelessly. reason is he wants people to know him more but he always tries asking them out and trying to befriend them.
He always used to say he was born in the wrong generation, that if it were in the past he could have many concubines. because he’s a king, duh. Too bad you aren’t on 吴’s level uh though somehow you try to pull the same shit off.
I had to do alot of his shit work for him, write and re-write captions and posts on a tight time limit, following his orders around like a slave, at all times making sure his fragile ego is not hurt else I face his wrath.
It really became a full-time job serving his every need. I used to feel so stressed that I need to remember every song he sang on every set, had to pay full attention because he would ask me whether the songs were 10/10 or not(guess my answer) and WHY it is that good for EVERY SONG. And it cannot all be 10/10 becuz so fake so I have to explain why got -1 or -2 points. my life usually depends on telling him which chord he pressed wrongly in which song. God forbid you dare talk about his singing imperfections.
oh yes you have to CLAP, oh the clapping, did you guys know I have to handle the aftermath because you audiences didn’t clap? Lol.
Sometimes after gigs he’d decide he wants to hang out till late with his fans after his gigs. So I’m asked to go home alone. I have to be more ‘zi dong’. It came to the point where I’m grateful if I’m allowed to join in for supper sometimes.
“真的可以啊？yay!”
Fking drama.
So, with all these ‘precautions’ and his outright lies to people, most think I’m just a very close fan of his, or in his words ‘chasing him’ and ‘throwing myself at him’ ‘crazy about’ him.
Yes thinking backwards now it’s plain dumb. He’s the centre of the universe. We’re all just NPCs.
I used to not understand people who can’t leave toxic relationships. Till I met this one. It’s so close to literally feeling your own free will, even your soul, being sucked from you slowly till one day it’s all in someone’s hands.
Then I just couldn’t leave, because whenever I try, it’s a whole other drama. He will come and beg and cry and kneel and swearing to god that he knows he’s wrong and will change for me. If begging doesn’t work(eventually it didn’t cuz I learnt)
He would threaten me with suicidal threats, threaten to ruin his own relationships for me(putting the blame on me in front of them), stalk me, camping wherever I normally appear just to get a word in at me.
After I left him, I had to have friends around me almost 24/7 for awhile, to feel safe else he was like a demon who’d grab me back under his possession. Literally no other way to illustrate this.
On why he didn’t want to reveal our relationship- official reason it’s because he’s a budding star he will lose many female fans if he shows people he has a partner.
He promised that if I stick by him he will reveal our r/s on this date, but then continually because I did or said something wrong again and again, to punish me he will not reveal alr. Cycle goes on and on. Fking drama.
During the third year, I was actively trying to leave him. It was so bad till no one believed me anymore when I said it’s the last time I’m really leaving him. Because everytime I would fail.
The abuse he renders to all around him is rampant and terrifying, I assure you everything you see on social media is just that. For social media.
The online posts and comments, all this is the ire from people knowing his real BS and have been burnt by it. With the number of people speaking out, can you just imagine how many bridges he has burnt? Because he’s really burnt so many.
I noticed that he just can’t think of anyone as a friend, a family member, nor a partner the way we usually do. All he sees are the benefits people can give him. He NEVER does anything for you without expecting something in return. God forbid you forget to return a favor, even unasked ones. You’ll go on his ‘backlist’ or get punished.
He always talks shit about his own peers in the industry, but says he himself IS Jay Chou and JJ Lin’s level BUT he isn’t as lucky cause he don’t have 贵人。
Yes, he has talent and he really puts in the hard work. No doubt about it. But this post is not about that right.
The people that he keeps close, are people that give him the most benefits. It’s purely 利益 to him, you don’t have to bluff yourself that he has a heart, in any case there’s no space in it for you. Because it’s just full of himself and only himself.
Those that he cuts off, he terrorizes and threatens them. So many have kept mum because of his threats. I was one of them. (I’m asking my dad to install a CCTV now in case he comes after me lol. He has a habit of stealing house keys to threaten people. He did that to almost every victim I spoke to.)
Also he has little empathy. When his granddad died, he threw such a big fuss on why he died at the wrong time (because we were outside at a carnival and he didn’t wanna leave).
He’s punished his grandma for cooking something that’s TOO HOT(temperature), I’ve seen her cry so many times from his verbal abuse.
His own partners, he has this habit of making them kneel or kowtow to him for saying or doing something ‘wrong’. It can be anything from liking another singer’s post, following someone he doesn’t like, or simply not rubbing his ego the right way.
As his partner you have to always dress up and be the most stunning person in the room. I still remember he made me cab home ALONE to change my shoes because he didn’t like it. Esplanade to Woodlands and back thank you.
He’s even asked me ‘why can’t you dress more like GEM?’ And ‘throw away all your shorts you’re not allowed to wear them’ Cause of this I didn’t get to wear shorts those years.
I’ve seen too much to know he can really change(now evidenced by the elapsed years since), and that was how I managed to convince myself to leave. had to write multiple essays for myself to read on a daily basis to remember the abuse, because I will forget it all the next day. The conditioning was that severe.
I used sincerely believe in him, permanently ruined many relationships by defending him, always taking his side.
But fact is, I eventually realized he will never ever change, at least not with me. I was in a ‘relationship’ that I didn’t respect nor love my partner, it was pure fear and compulsion holding on.
So I left for real after multiple tries. Finally I did it(or my friends did it for me- I was dragged away physically and had to stay at a girlfriend’s place, phone taken away etc)
After leaving him, he continued harassing me almost daily for months on end, physically stalking and spamming my phone(I blocked every number and he will borrow strangers phones to call me). The last time he called me it was 1.5 years after we broke up, middle of the night. I was with my current fiancé alr & he was also attached as usual. I completely ignored the call. Very disappointed.
For a long time after the whole thing, I was genuinely too damaged and helpless to function. Alot of the peeps I knew had either been cut away, or misled by him. I also let down too many that truly cared and tried to help me out.
Yet without everyone’s efforts, I may not have been able to get out. I got to know my now best friend through him too, because she saw how I suffered and bore with me through it patiently.
Okay, it’s getting too long. But I’d still say it’s the tip of the iceberg. Got quite a few other TMI stuff, but it’s too gross to share.
My purpose of sharing this is once again cause it’s the truth of what I went through. I’ve been labeled with many untrue names and unable to speak up because of his terrorizing. How to speak out? He’ll brainwash anyone anyways. So I kept quiet and hid.
And for the people that one day might end up thinking he’s the their fairytale prince, they deserve to know. Sry but I know exactly how you mistreat your current wife.
For him to be the latest celebrated face of the local music industry, yes he deserves that through his hardwork and talent no doubt.
Yet it says a lot about a person’s character when he manages to piss off an entire industry, his friends, fans and clients alike.
The interviews, I haven’t really seen them but I heard it’s full of lies. Sry I tried but couldn’t sit through it, ur engrish.
Lastly, for the people who made it here and still don’t believe me, open your eyes. 无火不生烟.
That fire has been burning and has always been. I don’t have to put myself through this just to lamely slander someone..
TFLDR;
– Abuse enough people and you’ll get bitten back eventually.
– Screenshots are scary things