I am exhausted by trying to be an adult
I’ve been looking for a job for three years now. I get rejected 9 times out of 10 and that 1 time I get an interview, then get rejected afterwards. I’ve been throwing myself at a brick wall, trying to do career progression courses and trying to improve my skills so someone will want to hire me, but I’ve gotten nowhere.
I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like a permanent failure. I’ve been the family black sheep for years and years and it’s just not getting better. I’m not going anywhere and I can barely afford food. I’m getting nowhere. I’m well below the poverty line and slowly dying from it, and I know that the only way for me to escape is to get a job but nowhere wants me.
I feel like I’m permanently stuck as some stupid kid playing adult. I can’t keep pretending I’m an actual adult because I’m a stupid 23 year old with no hope in life, trying hard to make eveything work out when I know deep down it won’t. People don’t want to hire a hard of hearing visually impaired person, not even organisations for deaf or blind people. Not me, at least. I’m young and stupid and breaking into this field feels impossibly hard.
I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know what to do and when people tell me to keep being positive and applying for jobs it feels like a slap to the face, as if that hasn’t been what I’ve been trying to do for years.
I don’t know how to make myself hireable. I don’t know what other skills they could possibly want from me. I don’t know what to do anymore.
I am so tired of being below the poverty line with no way out.