My dad is breaking up my family by dating again 2 months after my mom died.
My mom died from a hemorrhagic stroke. She was recovering from the initial stroke that landed her in the hospital but had another stroke on her 30th day of recovery that ultimately left her brain dead.
Two months later, my dad mentions that my little brother’s teacher (a colleague of my mom’s) has been texting him in an overly friendly manner. He insists that he isn’t ready for anything romantic but that he would like to have someone closer to his age to talk to (he’s 40, she’s 50). I told him that having friends is not a bad thing and encourage him.
Suddenly, he’s telling me that things are moving way faster than they could’ve imagined. About two weeks after they started texting, she introduced him to most of her family and is calling him her boyfriend. My dad tells me about this after the fact. Since then, he has brought up moving in together and getting married.
My brother (22) straight up told him from day one that he was not okay with the situation. He said he needed time to come around to it. My dad, however, continually oversteps his boundaries and has forced him to interact with her or to leave the house as my brother is living at my parents house still.
My other brother (10) says he is okay with them dating but often complains because my dad spends more time with his gf than he does with him. I know my dad cares for us but it seems obvious where his priorities are. The sad part is my brother is not okay. He needs counseling and all the extra support he can get. I’m trying to help but I live in another state. Still, I talk to my brother for at least an hour everyday and play online games with him. He says I’m the only one who’s really there for him.
I met his gf. She had the audacity to tell me that my dad calls her the most beautiful woman in the world and that he acts like he’s never been loved before. I had an experience with her and my dad where they were acting like a loving couple in front of me on a day where my dad knew that I was really struggling with losing my mom.
He took her on a date on my birthday and spent most of the time with her. He says that she would make a good maternal figure for my brother, and that hes scared to lose her by taking things slow. I feel like those are unhealthy approaches to a relationship and I don’t know how to voice that.
I feel like an idiot for empathizing with him and encouraging him down this path. I figured that losing your partner unexpectedly might create a sense of urgency to live the rest of your life. Nothing is guaranteed. I just didn’t realize that he’d leave us behind for it. There’s plenty of examples I could give that showcase him putting his own feelings over ours. He asks for our opinions but blatantly ignores them. He apologizes for hurting our feelings but doesn’t see anything wrong with his actions. My dad says he doesn’t want to lose us but he keeps pushing us away. My brother’s and I feel like a second choice to this woman he just met. Sometimes, I even feel like an obstacle in the way of his happiness. Seeing the relationship materialize this way has made me resent it. I’ve told my brothers that they are my priority, and as long as I can keep my relationships with them strong, my dad can have his happy life without us