My future BIL (35M) has threatened to wear a clown suit to my (34M) black-tie wedding.
Title basically says it all, but here’s some more context:
Future BIL is the ‘practical joker’ of the family. The jokes are always mean, but since he’s gotten by 35 years with nobody challenging him, they’re ‘funny’. I have not really engaged in this type of humor, and neither has my family. He follows through on his jokes to the final degree, as in, I don’t think he’s just enjoying making me sweat. I’ve never been the direct target of a joke until now, but they have ranged from “leaving a sleeping friend in a foreign country” to “pouring ice water all over his aunt”. I seriously believe he’s going to show up in a clown suit.
He is a completely neurotypical person with no issues that would make this action make sense, beyond being a self-centered jerk. If he were an autistic child who needed to wear a clown suit to go to an event, I’d have never opposed it.
Fiancee and I are having an intimate black-tie wedding with ~50 friends and family members. I have invited colleagues that I respect and care for as well. When I reached out to everyone to make sure the dress code was feasible, he wrote back that he was excited to wear a “clown suit”. I sent a funny emoji and asked if he meant “monkey suit” as a euphemism for the tuxedo (he isn’t really a formalwear kind of person) and he said nope, he meant clown suit, and sent a link to some giant shoes.
I called him and told him that if he didn’t have the right outfit, I’d gladly help offset the cost, as I know he’s in between jobs, but he got pretty huffy and told me that he could afford a clown suit just fine and was excited to party with us. We haven’t spoken since.
I asked my fiancee if we could refuse him entry if he showed up in a literal clown outfit, and she was uncomfortable with that idea because she believes that even if we did, her parents or sister would let him in because they also think it’s “funny” when he acts out.
I think that the only boundary I can assert right now is to tell him that this event has a specific dress code, and that if he showed up in something different than that dress code, I’d request that he change before attending or ask him to leave.
Having him present in a clown suit would obviously embarrass him, but it would embarrass me, my family and friends, and my fiancee. It seems like he and his parents are the only people who are amused by this idea, and it hurts my feelings that they are treating the wedding like a joke.
Fiancee believes that this is not going to work and will cause him to double down and maybe even go for the full clown makeup. Uninviting him is not an option at this point. Trying to discuss it with his parents goes nowhere.
As a last resort, I was thinking of telling any photographers or people to completely cut him out of the photos as if he’s not in attendence. It seems like he and his parents are the only people who are amused by this idea, and it hurts my feelings that they are treating the wedding like a joke.