Being “jealous” of my brother with cancer
I (F18) have a brother (M26) who has terminal cancer.
Ever since he got sick, my family has given me less attention which is understandable. But now it feels like it’s to the point where they don’t care about me as much anymore.
We have a family groupchat, on my birthday everybody asked how he was doing instead of wishing me a happy birthday. My parents watch movies with him and spend time with him and never invite me.
A few days ago I got frustrated by the fact that I am feeling so left out and ignored that i told my mom about it. I told her i was feeling like a “glass child”. She called me disgusting and couldn’t believe that i was “jealous” of my brother with cancer. So, aita?
For clarification, im not jealous that my brother has cancer. To be honest i’m not jealous at all; i simply used that word because it’s the word my mom used to describe me.
I spend time with my brother. We recently went on an overseas trip just the two of us together. What i’m upset about is that my family doesn’t put much of an effort to check in on me or spend time with me.
I understand that he has a limited time left and that they want to continue to spend time with him before he’s gone but still, don’t i deserve love too?
Netizens’ comments
- It’s okay for you to hold two truths at once, you’re very sad/scared that your brother has cancer, your very sad that everyone forgot your milestone birthday and are excluding you from the family events.
Usually I’d not say anything bad about a mother dealing with her child having cancer but her reaction to you was the only “disgusting” that I read here today. - My mother had cancer. It was treatable, and she’s fine now, but I was her caretaker, and at the time i was 10 years older than you are now.
I remember one day I just got so frustrated. I was so burnt out. Exhausted from managing everything working and going to school.
And every time someone called it was to check-in on her and one day I lost it and said can’t a single person ask how I’m doing
I just wanted to be seen for one minute for someone to say are you okay how are you handling. I felt selfish for that thought then and still kind of do now even though it’s long since passed
But I know it was because I was trying to hold it together knowing the person I loved was falling apart. And instead of feeling like a member of the family I felt like a rent-a-nurse outsider there for vitals and other people’s emotional support
I don’t think you’re jealous. I just think you’re struggling to navigate.
You did the right thing by speaking up. I’m sorry they reacted the way they did