Um… I’ve been thinking and thinking, and I’ve decided to share my story. I can’t keep it to myself anymore. I don’t want another girl to suffer like I did. It took a lot of courage for me to post this, but I felt it was necessary.
It’s been a month since I broke up with my ex-boyfriend. We were together for almost two years. Although I didn’t initiate the breakup, I consider myself lucky to have escaped from that relationship.
Let me get straight to the point. We were colleagues at a restaurant called Hai Di Lao. We started dating after chatting and having tea together. After three months of being together, the Movement Control Order (MCO) happened, and we lost our income. He suggested that we live together and work at a bubble tea shop (rented place & workplace: SS2). The rent for our place was initially paid by his mother, and we were supposed to pay her back later.
At first, I thought his mother was nice to me. She would buy me food that I liked and accompany me to buy necessities. But soon after we moved in together, he started imposing restrictions on me. I wasn’t allowed to get close to male colleagues at work, had to maintain a distance and couldn’t talk to them. I thought it was okay, but one day, I accepted a few friend requests from elders and friends. I was working that evening when he noticed and immediately came over to snatch my phone. He slapped me hard, grabbed my phone, and wouldn’t let me pick it up.
He even stepped on my hand when I tried to retrieve it. He made me deactivate all my social media accounts, and I couldn’t add my own father and brother. It was at this point that he started monitoring my bank account and phone, demanding all the passwords. I had no privacy; I couldn’t have any money in my pocket, take selfies, wear makeup, or spray perfume. I had to wear long pants and long sleeves, and I couldn’t talk to any guy unless it was necessary for work. Only then would I be allowed to leave the house. At night, he would beg for my forgiveness, and when he woke up in the morning, he acted like nothing had happened.
(I couldn’t take pictures of the injuries) (CCTV recorded everything) (SS2)
Since we worked in shifts, our off days were different. On his off days, I had to keep the video camera on and show him everything I did. I was afraid he would hit me again or something, so I complied. However, there were many times when I couldn’t satisfy him because I was busy making bubble tea or talking on the phone. He would get angry and threaten to kick me out, saying I had to rush home immediately and beg for his forgiveness.
Okay, I asked my colleagues to cover for me at work, and I rushed back to him. He gave me three minutes to appear in front of him. When I arrived, he wouldn’t open the door until I knelt down and begged him. He also forced me to write a post saying, “I won’t disobey anymore, or else we’ll break up.” Only then did he open the door, but he ordered me to disappear immediately and gave me one minute to leave. At night, he would beat me again, and I would constantly try to please him so that he wouldn’t get angry. He would punch and kick me… and then wake up in the morning and act like nothing had happened.
Since then, I had to record videos every 15 minutes to show him what was happening around me. If I couldn’t do it, he would hit me again. It was impossible to satisfy him.
So it was another beating… Anyway, it’s just a recurring cycle that keeps happening. Every time, he would scold me, saying I’m a brainless kampung person, a worthless person from Meru. Yes, I’m from Perak, Meru… but I think he’s the brainless one. I have to keep my mouth shut and endure the free slaps…
#Maybe when you read this, you’ll think I’m crazy. Just don’t mind me.
I’ve been foolish and forgiving all along because I don’t want my family to worry. I came from Perak to work in Kuala Lumpur, so I thought I could bear with it. As long as I’m not dead, I shouldn’t think too much… I never told anyone how he treated me, so everyone thinks he’s a good person.
But he’s becoming more and more unreasonable. He says his salary is higher than mine, so I have to take care of the household chores. Who made my salary lower than his? Okay, I’ll do it for him. After all, it’s always been me doing everything. He even expects me to serve him food, he gets angry over the smallest things, and he can easily resort to violence, breaking furniture and all that. Every time he hits me, he forces me to speak to him in a cheerful tone with a happy expression, as if I’m crazy. I’ve cried so much that I feel like dying, but he won’t let me sleep. He keeps grabbing me, scolding me, and hitting me. It’s dizzying. He has hit me countless times, I can’t even keep count anymore.
I’ve tried writing it down multiple times, but I can’t finish. In short, he takes out his anger on me for every little thing, hitting and blaming me. It’s always my fault, forever…
I’ve told him many times that I would tell my mom about him hitting me, but he says if I dare to do that, I’d better leave… Well, I don’t dare. He says I have no relatives or friends in Kuala Lumpur, only him. Why can’t I just be obedient and listen to him? Whatever he says goes. If I listen, I won’t be hit. And if I get hit, it’s because I didn’t listen…
He says I always answer him like a mute, not responding to his questions. When I do answer, he wants me to give the answer he’s satisfied with, without any unnecessary talk. Otherwise, he tells me to get out and break up. I’ve cried until I felt like fainting, and he wouldn’t leave me alone even for a few hours. He wants me to speak to him using a cheerful tone and a happy expression. Am I like a clown? Do I have to change and adapt? Well, my mental state is extremely poor. I feel like I could go into acting. It’s been two years like this.
Anyway, this has been going on intermittently for over half a year now. We’re working in the same office. I thought things would be fine since we’re together 24/7, but he got even worse. One night, we had a small argument, I can’t remember the reason clearly, but it was something trivial… I cried until I felt like fainting and stood up to go to my bed and sleep… He forcefully slapped me twice on my left ear, and it hurt so much that it started bleeding. I couldn’t hear properly, as if I went deaf. I screamed that I was in pain and couldn’t hear anymore, asking him to stop… He kept telling me to shut up and pressed a pillow against me, not letting me cry or breathe… He pulled my hair forcefully…
The next day, I took leave and went to a clinic. He insisted that I go to the emergency room at a big hospital, as he said he couldn’t help me… I was really scared… I told him I had become deaf, would he compensate me? He said he would cover the medical expenses, but it was me who paid for them… Then he added, why didn’t I obediently listen to him and why did I go to sleep? So, it’s my fault! It’s okay, I’ll go see a doctor by myself. Luckily, after a month, my eardrum healed… and my whole body was covered in bruises. I couldn’t even wear short sleeves or shorts to work… I couldn’t help but tell my friend that he was physically abusing me. Once he knew, he scolded me, asking if I had to tell everyone about his physical abuse to feel satisfied… I was afraid… This time, he hit me the hardest, I believe…
I’ve been wondering why he always resorts to violence when arguing. I’ve been thinking for a long time, but I still can’t understand… So, for two years, I’ve endured this on and off. I couldn’t bear it anymore, so I decided to keep silent towards him. But he couldn’t bear it either, and he started pulling my hair forcefully. Finally, I mustered the courage to fight back for the first time, but it wasn’t as forceful as his. I couldn’t bear it for two years… He said to me, “Oh, so now you’re hitting me back. You’ve become just like me. Now I can’t accuse you of domestic violence.” I’m speechless…
Next, I was supposed to stay at his house for a week (SS9). His grandparents were traveling abroad, and I went with him to accompany his grandfather and grandmother. At night, when all the elderly were sleeping, I went to sit in the living room for a while… He scolded me, asking why I didn’t turn on the lights. I told him that we shouldn’t disturb the elderly by making them think we were doing something and have them come out to check on us. He got upset and told me to come, but I didn’t want to give in to his attitude, so I let him go by himself. Then he wanted to take a shower and asked me where the towel was. I answered softly, saying it was hanging inside. He scolded me, saying if I can’t speak properly, I should just go and get it myself. So, I shouted back at him, saying if it’s hanging inside, can’t you get it yourself? He replied with, “If you’re not happy, then get out of my house. This is my place.” It’s not the first time he told me to get out, so I didn’t say anything and the next day, I went to work.
(February 4th) He said something like, “If you’re not happy with me, then just say it,” and kept asking me to break up… I ignored him… and he eventually said the word “breakup” himself. I accepted it and went back home to pack my things and go to SS2. He kept begging me to come back, but I ignored him and made excuses, saying I’ll see in 60 days…
Coincidentally, a friend I’ve known for many years came to Kuala Lumpur for an interview. I asked him to pick me up, and I stayed at his place for a few days. Unexpectedly, he kept searching for me and calling me everywhere, even searching on this friend’s social media. I got really angry and told him not to harm anyone around me. He thought I was cheating on him and started spreading rumors that I cheated on him and that I was the one who owed him an apology for the breakup. He even forced me to immediately repay him the rent and leave. I’ll share the screenshots… It’s getting too long, I’m afraid nobody will read it to the end…
And my birthday gift was an iPhone. He himself said it was compensation for everything he had done to me and also as a gift for smashing my phone once. After giving it to me, he kept mentioning it, saying he gave it as a threat. During the breakup, he threatened to call the police and accuse me of stealing his phone… And his mom knew about him beating me. His mom pretended not to know anything and didn’t say a word when I tried to talk to her about the breakup. I wanted to privately receive an apology or some kind of comforting words, but since I didn’t get any, I decided to share it publicly.
I just want to say that everything I’ve said is true. We were together openly and honestly, and I never did anything to hurt him. I only have two photos: the first one shows bruises on my thigh (I don’t have the photo anymore), and the second one shows my ruptured eardrum (taken at the hospital).