Why am I being blamed for everything that happened to my sister? How long must I makeup for it?
It happened when I was 5 and my mother was heavily pregnant with my 2nd sister.
My request of her to play with me was declined and I threw a tantrum. Can’t remember the details but I fell from the sofa and it ended up with both my mother and me going to the hospital and my sister born premature (7months). She stayed in the ICU for weeks.
From then on, I was being reminded by my parents for my “evilness”. Worst was when my sister contacted flu when she was 3 months old and it affected her brain. Now I was blamed for my sister’s slow development because it’s the premature that caused her to be weaker hence a small fever affected her brain. (She became a slower learner and needs to attend special school)
In my memory, I never have a childhood. My sister can demand anything from me, my toys, clothes and stationeries have to be shared. I usually wear what my cousins passed down while my sisters gets to shop and buy clothes. I get only $5 as pocket money (for recess and lunch) while my sister gets $7. My sisters get to spend their angbao money while I have to give all of them (except yasui angbao) back. Even ny maid is allowed to neglect me but she never did, instead she is the only one who cares about me.
When I got to poly, I worked and saved up for my own laptop because I needed one but my sisters were always fighting to play games on the only PC in the house. My father is a programmer and he unlocks my laptop without my consent and let my sisters play games on it. When they broke my laptop, I was expected to pay for the repair. I never did and rather stay back in school or go to a friend house to use their computer.
When I started working, my parents demanded that I give them $300 and another $200 to my sister account who is intellectual challenged “because of me”. I was only making $1600/month then before CPF. I just kept quiet because I was brainwashed into believing I was the one who caused my sister’s misfortune. I have to take care of her for my whole life.
For almost 4 years, I have to share my personal items including my phone with my sisters else I will wake up to find my phone on 15 minutes lock out. I don’t have enough to rent a room and I just endure quietly. I was relieved when my sister’s got their own phones but only to realised that my father wanted their plans bundled with mine for discount. My eldest sister was already 20 then and I expected her to pay her own bills but I still ended up paying for both my sisters’ bills. I am grateful that I only needed to pay a $30 overshot bill twice. (honestly expected more since they’re so spoilt)
I finally broke down last year when I was totally burnt out and sick of everything. I wanted to leave my job after my manager quit as I don’t agree with my new superior way of doing things. But it’s a bad time to switch job. I went on a few interviews but the pay won’t be as high. At the same time, my parents demanded more money from me due to raising cost of living and my elder sister wanted to go overseas for a degree. I don’t know why I should be providing for my sister’s studied when she is already 22 and how much must I repay to makeup for a mistake I made when I was 5! I decided to bite the bullet and moved out with my boyfriend. I don’t like the idea of living together before marriage but it’s my best bet then. I told my parents to take over my sister’s phone lines as I have ported my line out and no longer bundling with them. I still transfer my parents $400 but don’t give my sister anymore.
If you’re wondering about my parents financial abilities. My mother spent her 4K salary on branded bags/High tea with her tai tai friends and my father make 5 digits a month. Flat is already fully paid by my grandfather. I know my family don’t need my measly allowance to survive but I still do my part. My sisters don’t have to work hard for anything, they just demand and will have everything they want, including the latest phones, iPads and branded bags and clothes. My eldest sister who is 23 now haven’t worked for even a day in her life, is still taking money from my parents while she is studying in UK. Her school fees are also paid by my parents. Mt 2nd sister attended special school and have received training to support herself but is lazy af and always MIA from her internship and my parents let her, even asked the school to give her “easier work”.
I really felt better after moving out. I have finally gotten out of the guilt that I “caused” to my sister. I can finally plan for my own future aand have my personal space.