I’m a 31 year old guy I have a 4, almost 5 year old child.
Unplanned child. Supportive families. Financially stable. Home owners. Healthy relationship. Since had a vasectomy.
Almost since the day my child was born I knew this wasn’t for me. I’ve tried, I have truly tried to enjoy it, to be a good parent and to support my child.
She has a good life, has everything she needs and wants(without spoiling her). I’m strict with very few rules, just listen and be honest. She doesn’t listen. She is honest. She refuses to listen to most of what myself and my partner say to her. Pick up X, – “no”. Not hard requests at all but she will point blank refuse. This is one of the very few examples, I’m not going to post all of her bad behavior this post isn’t about that.
She is horrible to the both of us for no reason. Genuinely horrible. I can tell my partner doesn’t like being a parent either, she hasn’t directly said that but I know. I’ve told her I hate it, everything about it. Less freedom, less money, less social time with others and as a couple. Stress. The stress is unreal. I have never really felt real, heart-weaking stress until she was born but it is now relentless. Some days I cannot stand to be around her, her voice will stress me out, the constant moaning, whinging, needing, crying and sass.
I appreciate and understand your child needs your love and support and that’s why we both give that. If we were cruel parents I’d somewhat understand her behavior but – and it may not sound like it given this post – we are good parents. I’d never take away her childhood or purposely upset her, I understand how that can change a child.
If it was my choice I’d never see her again. Harsh I know, possibly unforgivable. I would never leave or put her into care, I know how unfair that is, she isn’t doing this on purpose, she doesn’t know the pain she causes.
But honestly, I hate being a parent. I’d do anything to have my old life back, the one where we had freedom, was happy and enjoyed waking up each morning and always looking forward to the next day. Monday is now better than Saturday for us as it’s quiet in the house, we can have a conversation without the ‘noise’, the absolute constant ‘noise’ of it all.
We have support, my parents have her some weekends and her partners too. We have breaks from her but it’s never enough, it doesn’t undo what we have to go back to.
Also, I understand a lot of children are probably like this and others may feel the same. Some parents have it a lot harder than I do and I sympathise. I truly do. I understand my situation really is not that bad in sight of the rest of the world. But I hate it, I cannot stand it. I’m no longer the happy individual I was, I’m miserable inside.
I share my emotion, I’ve broken down in front of my parent and parents separately, I don’t keep it in. 99% of the time I keep it positive, you have to. The situation is what it is, I can’t change it.
I’ve tried a lot to change how I feel, I do not like feeling like this. I wish I wanted her by my side 247, I honestly do, this isn’t a nice feeling and I don’t want any sympathy.
I don’t think I will ever enjoy being a parent, maybe when she grows into a nicer individual and starts to understand life more. A part of me knows it will get better. But I hate this. I absolutely hate how I feel about life.
I think getting this off my chest has helped? I’ve expressed this before but not publicly. Thanks for listening I suppose?