What is divorcing in an older age like?
I am sharing this from my observing my parents. They’re both over 65 and live together in a flat.
My father is the typical traditional male who wants to be the alpha male but unfortunately doesn’t have what it takes. I am not bad mouthing him but it’s what I conclude after seeing how he deal and handle problems. How he turn a small matter into a huge problem just because of his pride.
My mother is a fun loving lady who unfortunately was trapped in my father’s control. She never had any friends because my father feels she should just stay at home and focus on the kids and him.
When we finally grew up and are able to support ourselves, my mother contemplated divorce because my father’s retirement is drawing near. He converted to a more part time work style and is at home a lot more.
They quarrelled everyday over little things because my father wants to take charge of everything. My father have always been someone who cares more about himself. He feels since he brings money back home, he controls everyone and everything. This is also the reason why my siblings and I moved out even if it means we pay high monthly rent.
I know my mother is suffering and she had leave home to stay with us multiple times. We, as her children encouraged her to divorce but she is worried about her future – like lodging and expenses because she doesn’t have any savings or CPF. She wasn’t allowed to work after marrying my father.
I know she still wants to divorce but is worried she will be a burden to us (her children). Honestly, I am not confident to give her any promises even though I will try my best to support her in every way.
Is there any advis for this situation? Thanks.
Here are what netizens think:
- Do a family discussion without your father to reach an agreement. If your mum divorce your dad, can you all provide to take care of her? Lodging and allowance. Work it out before divorcing. Don’t let your mum suffer anymore. My mum suffered all the way to her deathbed.
- Other than seeking legal advise on such matters, what’s important is your individual parent’s expectations in their later part of their lives. What will makes them happier? While I value marriage, every couples will have their side of the ending of story which they are trying to seek. Mental, physical, emotional, spiritual, social and financial concerns may need to be addressed before any life decisions to be made…
- Will it be possible to get a lawyer and seek advise. She should likely be entitled to some of your dad’s savings as she has been sacrificing her entire life for your family. Life is short, she should be entitled to some happiness at the very least.