I live about 15min from my parents. One sister lives 15 minutes from both of us and my other sister lives with my parents. My aunt lives with my parents, too.
Siblings went to university here and we’ve all stayed very close. We’d have dinner at least once a week. We’d drop kids off to each other regularly.
A few years ago, my mom was diagnosed with CLL. Long story short, she’s immunocompromised and her lungs are the most vulnerable part of her. CLL and age puts her in the “if you get Covid you’ll die” camp.
So when Covid came around, we agreed to quarantine.
My wife and I can’t avoid other people in our jobs. We’re effectively not in any “bubble”. Our kids are in school and at school. My sister and her husband work from home and the kids aren’t school age yet. My other sister works from home at my parents’ and my aunt doesn’t work. Both my parents work from home.
In other words, they can all be a bubble. My wife and our kids cannot.
It’s been like this since last March. Even after everyone got vaxxed, they cancelled having us come on Christmas because my mom got spooked due to Omicron. I get it. She’s playing the odds with her life.
None of the logic is bad. None of the logic makes me feel any better. I’ve gone from seeing them 100 times a year to maybe a FaceTime call every 1-3 weeks.
I’m so sad. I’m just so sad.
They’re all missing my kids growing up. My kids don’t get the benefit of being around these great people.
Work is starting to feel pointless. I have pretty bad anxiety. I’m on meds and seeing a psychologist (didn’t match with a few counselors). It’s not helping and the fact that it’s not helping makes me feel even more like there’s no light at the end of the tunnel.
I’m not mad at anti-vaxxers, exactly, because being mad at the world feels like a waste of effort. So my anger has no target. I’d never let myself direct at people who aren’t deserving so it just fizzles out. It just turns into sadness and despair.
I think the toughest part is that I have no one to share this with and I have to hide it. I don’t want my kids to see dad being mopey. My wife just sees the logic and I get that. My therapist sees the logic and tells me thanks me for sharing my feelings. I don’t have anyone to really share this with.
I don’t have anything else to say. I’m sad and don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel. I’m in the dark and I don’t see a way out. That’s it.