We started dating 2 years ago (pre-pandemic) and instantly hit it off. My GF was super sweet, drop-dead gorgeous, and full of life. She regularly worked out and did dance and ballet to be in good shape. I was immensely attracted to her. I was also fit and stayed in shape until this day.
Over the past two years she has gained so much weight she is now clinically obese. Completely let herself go. She doesn’t do anything except sit in her room and cuddle with our cat (we do not live together currently).
She hates to go to the gym, she hates going for walks and the only activity she wants to do is eating food. She hates doing all the things even a year ago we used to do all the time. She lives a completely sedentary lifestyle and stuffs her face.
I’ve tried talking to her about it but she lashes out defensively. We discussed the issue in couples therapy, the therapist says I have to give up control. That I can’t control what she does.
So here we are. I’m in love with my obese gf that struggles to breathe at rest, that stuffs her face and does nothing but sit on her ass. Her attempts at dieting have failed, and she goes to the gym once or twice before reverting to her lazy lifestyle.
During bedtime, I had a hard time getting my little brother to work as my 2nd brain is telling me that I am about to enter a piece of meatloaf. Even if it finally got up, i will fake that I finished and tell her i have premature problems. Since I’m wearing a rubber and quickly runs to the toilet. she does not know
There’s nothing I can do about it I just needed to vent.
Here is what netizens think:
I get feeling concerned when you SO gains a lot of weight. I work in medicine and frankly obesity is unforgiving, it changes so many physiological processes and can lead to many chronic diseases. It’s not an inert condition. However, the fact that her mental health and the medicine is a footnote in the complaint of his main pejorative, which is not being attracted to her…tells me he doesn’t understand what’s going on at all. He should leave for both their sakes.
He shouldn’t have used those words. I agree. But it’s clear that he’s actually feeling that way, and that’s ok. He’s talking about it and trying to figure out what to do. It’s a harsh thing to say, but he’s not in the wrong for feeling those things. He can’t change if something repulses him. Weight is absolutely a boundary for me. I cannot be physically attracted to someone who’s overweight. If this happened in my relationship, I would be struggling with those exact same feelings. I would be repulsed by someone I love, and I’d expect my partner to feel the same about me were I to gain a ton of weight too.
Now if this were me, I’d want to work with her and do everything I can to lift her up out of that situation. But it sounds like this isn’t something that’s going to be resolved soon. It sounds like OP needs to walk away and come to terms that it’s ok to do so.