Am I exaggerating for thinking this guy was rude/creepy?
So one of my best friends introduced me (24 F) to a guy he considered really nice. My friend told me that this guy was very smart, hard-working, sentimental, romantic and that he was basically a “lovable nerd type”. Most of the guys I end up dating are like that because they are really charming and treat me with kindness and I can see why my friend thought it would work. I had only seen this guy one time and he actually asked my friend for my phone number.
Fast forward, last week I finally went on a date with the guy, and to say the least, it wasn’t what I expected. When he first saw me he told me that he knew a lot of people like me (context: I have pink hair) and that “you are always trying to get people’s attention, like, yeah I see you, calm down”.
Then he went on to make fun of the amethyst quartz I’m always wearing calling it “superficial, superstitious”. In this same spirit he started talking about how good/accurate the 16 personalities test was, I thought we were onto something more light-hearted so I responded with something along the lines of “yeah, just like my horoscope” which I think made him incredibly mad, because he started telling me how stupid those things were, and that for an atheist I was too spiritual, and that he doesn’t waste his time on such “superficial things”.
I don’t know why, but I mentioned that I had a Pinterest board about my dream wedding and that I already had my dress, hair, deco… and of course he had to say something crappy: “why are females always so interested in weddings? I really don’t get it”.
In between those awkward moments, we actually had interesting conversations. He asked me what kind of music did I listen to, and naturally, I answered that I loved Taylor Swift. Then he made this face as if he was going to throw up and I asked him why was he making that face, he just told me that Taylor’s music was too frivolous for him, and that he only listened to artist that actually know how to write good lyrics.
So after making fun of the things I liked, my hair, my dream wedding, my favorite things and other stuff I don’t have enough space nor the time to write, he started to talk about his ex and how he didn’t understand why she left and it almost brought him to tears so I just asked him if he had broken a heart and he told me “no, I couldn’t, I’m too much of an empath to do that, I’m just too sensitive”.
See, I’m very open. if you have kinks, experiences, preferences… I don’t care as long as it’s consensual; however, I find it weird to bring this stuff up with someone you’ve been talking to for less than three hours, because he started telling me stories about explicit things he had done, and how it smelled and tasted like, and about that time he was running without anything on, at the beach. Keep in mind I didn’t bring this up, and I never shared anything of this nature about me. Again, no kink shame here, but I expect those conversations with close friends, not with a stranger.
What creeped me out about this guy is that he described himself as very idealistic, sensitive, empathetic, romantic… when in my experience it couldn’t be further from the truth. A person like that doesn’t make fun of other people’s beliefs, hobbies, likes, professions… a person like that doesn’t brag about that time they kicked a boy in school until he started crying, a person like that doesn’t talk badly about others, a person like that doesn’t bring up unsolicited intimate stuff… It creeped me out because I cannot understand how did he come to the conclusion he was like that because those are two different people.
I ask if I’m exaggerating because maybe that’s just his sense of humour, or because my friend told me that he had introduced him to other female friends of his and that everyone thought he was nice, or maybe it’s just my internalized feeling of “you take everything too seriously” and that if I had been so uncomfortable I would have walked out before, which I feel guilty for. Nonetheless, my female friends told me that I’m the right and that if my gut feeling tells me something is wrong, something IS wrong.
I told the friend that introduced me to this guy what had happened a grosso modo and he was baffled because this guy was actually very nice to him and to other female friends he had introduced him to before… but told me that he’s really sorry and that he was going to put some distance with that guy. My friend even told me that this guy told him how good of a time he had with me.
Anyway, have you ever been with people like this? I’m really sorry for the rant.