I (43F) just lost my virginity. How do I tell my husband (44M) that I want to end our marriage?
My husband has been my best friend for 30 years, married for 25. He has felt no interest in intimacy since as long as he can remember.
Our relationship has been one of absolute loving, cuddly but celibate best friends, and while unusual, has been satisfying and worked for us.
This weekend I attended my 25th school reunion. I stayed with “Eve,” my best female friend from back then. I’m not going into details here, frankly I haven’t even processed it all yet…we made love several times.
I had my first ever experience, I felt desired, I felt authentic, real, alive. Neither Eve nor I planned or expected this. I’m shedding a lot of self-deception, determined to actually live my life now.
I’m ready to lose some friends and family, but the thing is, my best friend/husband/confidant is totally innocent in all this, and for two days I haven’t slept much, etc, and he’s sensing something is weighing on my heart.
How on Earth do I ask to just switch him to best-friend? This sucks. Thanks for listening or any advice.
Netizens’ comments
- You tell him. There are no magic words, you just tell him.
- My first marriage ended when my ex wife realized she was gay and had an affair with a girl. I’m speaking from experience when I tell you that honesty and sensitivity to what he’s going to go through are what matters here.
If my ex could have just owned up to it, I would have gotten over it pretty quickly. Her being gay actually made the whole thing easier in a way. It explained so much and relieved me of so many emotional burdens (“why can’t I make her happy?”, etc).
But the lying… That made everything awful, and it took years to recover. - This must be really difficult. Cheating, regardless, is a bitter pill to swallow if he expects you to be faithful to him and vice versa. Have you discussed these feelings with him? Has he said it’s okay for you to act on these feelings?