I (26F) don’t know what to do anymore about my husband (33M)
We have been married for a year and I feel this insane guilt about wanting to leave. A lot has changed since getting married, but I felt cold feet beforehand I just was told it was normal.
Ever since getting married he’s gotten more controlling, jealous, stopped being intimate and started talking to cam girls, and has been pressuring me for a family.
I’m never alone anymore. He works from home when I do and times me on my office days. When I work from home he times me too and clocks when I work, which had given me insane anxiety around work and home and now I can’t really eat on my work from home days anymore.
He’s been more rough when we get intimate, I tell him I don’t like some things he does but he continues anyways. Or last time when I yelled out in pain and looked angry at him he just said “just trying something new.” Now I don’t even want to sleep with him anymore because I’m afraid he’ll hurt me, but he doesn’t care. He would rather talk to cam girls anyways or watch adult videos.
I’ve gently tried bringing up the lack of intimacy to him, but he always turns it on me. Like that I don’t try to look pretty for him so why would he think of me that way, but then when I used to dress up I would always get rejected. Or that he hates condoms and just wants a kid and is done using them.
Anytime I hang out with friends or leave the house he makes “jokes” about how I’m cheating on him. And this had also now made me not want to leave the house.
There was also another concerning joke where he pretended to choke me and it scared me a bit because he’s much bigger than me.
It obviously didn’t start this way and he had anger issues and addiction problems before getting married but it was never this bad.
The problem isn’t constant and he’s not a bad person, I love him and we are fine for the most part. I just don’t know if I can live this way anymore. Even when things are good I don’t feel I can enjoy them anymore.
He’s worked on his anger and has gotten better, but hasn’t gone to therapy since the verbal abuse incident 6 months ago and that was part of the only reason I agreed to stay.
I have these intense feelings of wanting to leave or runaway, but maybe I need to try and work this out in marriage counseling. I am not sure where to go from here, but I can’t picture feeling this way the rest of my life. Also I can’t bring a kid into this. I just can’t.
Also bought a house last year so I feel like I’m just blowing up our life after it got started and ruining his for no good reason. Side note – we have been together for 5 years. He tells me if I don’t have his kid and we divorced he will never have one.
Does this ever get better? Is therapy the answer? Am I mentally ill for wanting to blow up my life? I feel like I’m crazy.
Everything seems fine to others on the outside so also if I left no one besides my best friend would understand.