I previously posted here a long time ago, but here I am again because attempts to resolve the problem have not worked.
Background: So my father has been super paranoid and suspects my mother for adultery (which I’m pretty sure is not true). This is to the extent that my father will do crazy things like stalk my mother at her workplace and spam the alleged adulterers on Facebook with somewhat accusatory comments. His thoughts have absolutely consumed him and he has been rambling about this “adultery” for years! (and saying the exact same words each time like he was reading a script!) Marriage has been rocky from day 1 and mother has wanted to divorce multiple times in the nearly 30 years of marriage, but in the end my mother still stuck around to preserve the family unit for my sake (which in retrospect wasn’t a very good idea lol). And because father does not agree to divorce, they have to separate for 4 years before mother can file for divorce, but obviously we have all been living under the same roof. Looking at father’s behaviour, it’s very clear to me that he has some mental issues along the lines of ASD (no friends, extreme dedication to routine, low EQ, strange habits of talking to himself and stimming with hand gestures) and/or BPD (fear of abandonment explaining his reluctance to divorce, control freak mannerisms). Probably also had bouts of depression as I’ve heard him say he doesn’t want to live anymore.
What I’ve done: For now I’ve tried to go the wholesome route by trying to get him to get a mental health assessment so that we can address his issues and make life easier for everyone. I managed to connect him to the Family Service Centre so that he can talk about his problems, and I informed the counsellors to try and get him to have a mental health assessment. Unsurprisingly he refused. The contact has been going on for a few months, I don’t know exactly what happens at the sessions but it’s clear that he’s still as crazy as ever.
Looking forward: Well now I’ve more or less given up the wholesome route. He’s not helping himself by not cooperating. The FSC has not really been able to do anything as well. I definitely have to get away from the house with my mother to ensure our safety and well-being. It’s not just my mother who’s been subject to bad stuff, I’ve often been at the receiving end by being his emotional dumpster and getting stressed about things I’m not involved in at all, and being worried about others because he seems to be on the verge of going berserk on everybody and I am the final safety catch. His presence alone drains my mental health. Maybe I’ve even been traumatised to some extent because I sometimes shudder when I hear his voice. I see no way I can have a good life if he doesn’t get out of my life (there are many other reasons for this which I didn’t mention in this post). I know it sounds unfilial but then again, if I can pay him his current monthly salary in exchange for cutting contact with him, I would do it (maybe when I start working). Anyway, since he’s not helping himself, I guess there’s no other way other than for things to get ugly. Divorce is the number one priority I have for my parents now. Unfortunately my father has been very smart about preventing a divorce. There is very little evidence we have to justify the divorce without going through a 4 year separation. There is no adultery on his side, no physical abuse, no vices, etc. I intended the mental health assessment to have a secondary purpose of being used as a justification for divorce if we really went that route, but obviously we don’t have it, and I suspect he may have seen through the plan. I realise he’s also been very emotionally manipulative by constantly trying to brainwash us that a divorce would be impossible because my mother has been a bad wife and the judge would side with him, but luckily I’ve seen through him. Anyway, I would appreciate any legal advice on this matter, I am hoping that we will be able to expedite the divorce proceedings without having to do the 4 year separation thing, and perhaps some advice on how to best handle my father so that he can no longer cause distress for me and my mother’s family. Thanks.