I have been with my bf for 8 years. All throughout the relationship he has consistently changed his views on marriage/having a family/having kids.
To begin with he felt there was no point in marrying which was tough to hear considering he has been ‘the one’ in my mind since day one. He then throughout the relationship proposes often when he’s drunk, obviously not sincere and although joked about afterwards was never followed up with any explanation.
Having discussed it often I said that he had until he was 30 and if it was still something he didn’t want then obviously not my first choice but I would let him move on and I would do the same. For context we’re both one another’s first long term relationship so I also worry that he may feel at some point he has missed out on other experiences, although he says he won’t.
Anyway he proposed at the end of last year on my birthday which completely took me by surprise to the point where I thought it was a really cruel joke and didn’t want to tell anyone in case he was just kidding.
Fast forward til last month (still engaged), I had been asking what kind of wedding he would like asking him about music and if he would have a best man and he proceeded to say that we have no money for a wedding and he doesn’t want to rush into anything.
Now we’re not overly flush with savings just now but he’s fully aware that my dad has offered to pay for the wedding and that I would only like a small event. I felt really hurt like it was almost a cop-out and couldn’t help but think why to propose in the first place!!
I told him that considering his original opinions on marriage that I don’t want to force it and if he doesn’t want to marry then it’s okay but I just wish he hadn’t asked in the first place.
I put my engagement ring back in the box for now and told him just to give it to me when he’s fully ready and if not then it’s fine, at this point I would rather just both be happy than force what’s not there.
He said I’m ridiculous and that he won’t give me the ring back but that he is ready. I’m so confused, we have lived together for four years and have a dog now which he was also against initially (he then surprised me with the puppy) we have a happy relationship, we don’t really argue and I don’t want to cause conflict over this but I honestly feel like I don’t want to marry this man.
Am I being silly/petty?