How to completely let go of someone that was never mine to begin with?
I met him through a dating app. We got along quite well. We were like best friends. We texted and hung out with each other everyday. We slowly picked up hobbies together.
As time goes by, I fell for him but I never knew how he felt about me because I didn’t have to courage to ask him. I was too hesitant to.
After a few months of knowing each other, he never made any moves so, I thought he didn’t have feelings for me until 9 months in when he suddenly proposed to be together. He told me it wouldn’t be a committed relationship because he will be away for a few years. He also told me he’s not a committed person after his previous relationship experiences.
I was ok with it because I never have high hopes that a relationship will eventually go into marriage. It’s more of “we’ll see how it goes.”
He always liked a S relationship (found out he has a lot of previous flings too) but I’m more of a reserved person and it takes time for me to build up that trust to give it to someone. He broke it off 2 weeks later because he couldn’t accept it anymore (I couldn’t give him what he wanted) and he said we weren’t compatible. He was leaving. But because I didn’t want even to lose him as a friend, we still continue to hang out together even after he had moved away until the relationship becomes kinda like FWB because he started to do all those couple stuff to me.
I was confused at the same time because he always asked me to move on. He told me he never loved me even when he was able to do all those stuff to me. He started to slowly drift away from me as time goes by. One day, he decided to cut my off completely after he said he had someone else in his life already. He told me he was serious about the relationship. He only met her for about a month. He cut me off from all his social media but he still wanna remain ‘friends’.
I don’t understand how that friendship is a friendship already. I don’t know at that point of time, he was telling me this just to push me away or he really met someone because he previously told me that he takes time to really know someone before he decides that someone is for him. I know this eventually will happen and I can’t keep someone who wants to leave. I was devastated by the news but I still wish him well. I know I was being treated as a spare tyre here and having to hear all those bullsh*t just for him to keep me in his life until he finds another. Maybe I was silly to hope that I was able to change his mind as long as I hold on but what can’t be changed will not change.
I waited for him to come back but he never did. 6 months has since passed. I still miss him until today but not as bad as in the beginning. I want to let go of him completely but I still see bits and pieces of him sometimes. Tbh, I couldn’t even see couples around at first because it reminded me of what he did to me but they were just things that he did without having any feelings towards me. I guess men just have this ‘superpower’. Sorry for hearing my rant but I hope this can be a lesson to all the girls out there.