first time posting, English isn’t very good… I’m 18-years-old F have been diagnosed ASD for years and i go through periods of mania where I don’t remember things.
i was out drinking with friendsy and ended up sick due to heat exhaustion and other factors (lack of food which was my own fault). a friend took care of me outside until i felt better and our other friends, including Y (18M), came and found us and Y was pissed off with the friend who took care of me and myself.
Y and i have a history together and our friendship was strained at first because he insulted my physical appearance behind my back for a few months – he apologised and i forgave him.
Y has financial troubles and I struggle too but help him whenever i can, for food, transport, etc. he tells me during this manic episode that i was yelling through the streets and he said I tried to manipulate him using financials.
people around us have commented on him using me for money but ive never listened to them more than an intrusive thought – i also say i don’t feel good enough for him and that he deserves better and im wondering if i said something like “even after how much i do you’re angry at me for not being enough” and he (also misinterprets social cues to be self depreciating) took it the wrong way but i still don’t know what i said and my friends cannot remember either.
the day after and i remembered vaguely something had happened i reached out and apologised multiple times and said i had no idea what had happened (and i still don’t). i care about him a lot and i don’t know what to do and i feel genuinely awful but people around me have a mixed opinion on whether i’m a bad person or not.