Sigh, it’s so tiring being a female. I’ve always been a happy-go-lucky and bubbly kinda girl. And I’m always uncomfortable when girls around me like to compare everything and anything. In the beginning, it was the education level.
I graduated from poly and had lower income than some friends. So even though some of them gave me the attitude that I’m “lower” than them, I don’t mind because I’m not one who always want to win. I’m just comfortable in my own skin.
Somehow, I got into another job where I earned probably x2 or x3 of their income. They actually didn’t know(by chance) until few years later because I also didn’t go around saying. It wasn’t until one day they caught me driving my car then they asked about it.
In fact…I was hiding the fact that I bought it…for fear they will (again) compare this and that. So this group of girls likes to compare education level, income, car, house etc.
Another group of girls is different. They don’t compare about education and income because they don’t have much.
So they start to compare how many guys are wooing them and giving them attention. My motto is just go out drink and have fun. But they always have to compete by asking how many guys you know tonight etc.
While I’m definitely UNABLE to be as initiative and passionate as them, I can’t deny that the peer pressure had influenced me to be slightly friendlier to strangers who approached me(which I’m usually not).
Then, for subsequent gatherings, every girl is supposed to bring guys(to drink together – I didn’t do anything else). I was slowly brainwashed into this is normal. But it’s not. The guys gave me so many problems when they get jealous over one another.
Some tried to kiss me when they were drunk. Some girlfriends got into conflicts with me when they started to like my guy friends because my guy friends are much better looking than theirs.
It was so chaotic until 1 day I told myself I got to stop all this nonsense. So, I stopped bringing my guy friends to gatherings, lying that they can’t make it. No matter how much the girls ridiculed me at not having any guy friends with me, I ignored them.
To my shock, one of them liked my guy friend so much that she asked him to join without my knowledge. Things became awkward between me and him. My friends knew he liked me but I don’t like him(It’s not that I don’t like him lah, I don’t like his advances when he’s drunk.
He treats me pretty well when he’s sober). So gradually they invited him to gatherings but excluded me so that it’s easier to seduce him without me around. I suddenly realized how toxic this group is and I ditched them.
Years later, I got to know a bunch of really awesome girls who are totally not like that. They don’t compare about this and that and values girls’ friendship more than other unimportant things.
And I realized the similarities among them: They are happy and comfortable in their own skin, just like me, not competitive. Happy as in really happy with their married/attached/single status – Not the kind who are married/attached but unhappy OR single but so desperate to get laid those kind.
They value friendship of us girls alot. Last but not least, they are more or less the same caliber as me. As in, we are pretty much equally well-liked – nobody gets left out.
Everytime we go out, different guys will approach us. As in, it’s very balanced. It’s always so much fun with them. (For the previous group, it wasn’t very balanced – I had too much attention than the others.
In short, girls….stick with happy people. Happy and uncompetitive people. With my vast experience with toxic females……the more competitive they are, the more toxic they are. And it has nothing to do with age. Some 30 years old, married already, still behave like petty teenagers, thinking they are starring the Mean Girls movie.