I have been dating my girlfriend for almost two years.
We are pretty much perfect together, but we have pretty different personalities. I see things deeply and she’s more nonchalant.
Last year, she had this one friend, we’ll call him “Brian” that she talked to a lot. He had been pretty bogus in the past to her – she made it clear she didn’t like him and he decided he would go and tell everyone they knew that she came on to him and wanted him (even though we were together).
Eventually he apologized and they became friends again, and they continued talking a lot. They talked to each other online more than anyone else, and when they weren’t talking online they were on Xbox, which means they were talking all day long.
It got to the point I’d be over waiting to spend time with her but she’d be on Xbox with him for so long that I’d be asleep by the time she finished up. Eventually, she told me how once they liked each other (never dated though), and it made me feel weird that she waited for so long to tell me that information. I wouldn’t have been upset, but it really hurts when my partner omits or lies about something like that. After they fell off again, she said she understood my perspective that she talked to him so much and had never once told me the reality of their relationship, and I thought that was that.
Fast forward to a few days ago. We were driving home talking about all sorts of things, and she ended up mentioning that she had had three partners in the past instead of the two I knew about. I asked her who, and she said she didn’t remember. I thought that was strange, so I asked again.
She got really shy and avoidant, but after I asked a third time she told me it was a different friend (we’ll call him “Tyler”). Now, I had known about this friend since we started dating. Just like with Brian, they talked pretty often and also played Xbox often together.
She had even told me that they kissed once a while ago, but they had no further interest in each other than that simple kiss, so I didn’t care at all simply because she was honest about it. She told me that’s all it was, but now months later I find out they were intimate with each other. When I asked why she didn’t tell me the full story when she had the chance, she said she just forgot.
I found that hard to believe; how do forget that you had an intimate event with someone, especially when that person is your brother’s best friend and you talk to them every day? I felt like “forgetting” didn’t add up and I asked her more questions because she knew how I feel about honesty (and because it had happened before with Brian) and she just kept saying she forgot.
She got upset that I didn’t take her word for it and said I was grilling her. I truly don’t believe she ever cheated or would ever, but I wanted the full story because they’re close to this day and I found out so late. She said I was grilling her and got mad at me, saying she can’t help she forgot.