Basically, from mid 2020 – mid 2022 I didn’t socialize. More like I didn’t have a chance to socialize at all. During that 2 years, I could say I have become more mature than before.
Not that I’m a completely mature person. It’s just I’ve become more mature than I was 2 years ago. And that change of personality has affected my confidence a lot. In both socializing and dating.
I just cannot be myself amongst new people
The problem with socializing is that I cannot make small talks and new friends. I have a small circle of friends that I have known for 6-7 years. Whenever I try to make new friends and small talk, I am always worried that the person I’m talking to wouldn’t be interested or is feeling annoyed.
Another reason is that because I spend time with my really close friends a lot it always feels like the new friends I’m trying to hang with don’t compare to my old friends.
Of course I do not want to think of it this way. I want to shake away this feeling. But it always feels like I cannot be my true self when I’m meeting with new people. The only people I can genuinely talk to are my close friends.
I cannot make a joke to sound more friendly like I always do with my close friends. I always see some people always energetic and funny talking to whoever whether they a close friends, casual friend or classmates. And I really admire them.
In terms of low confidence with dating, When I was 18-19, I used to have 500 likes on a dating app and I was always making conversations with girls on the app.
But now I created a new account and I only got 50 likes in a week and I am always thinking “What if I text her and turns out she just accidentally swipe right?”
“What if what I say to her is no different from hundreds of other guys texting her and I don’t stand out?” “What if my pickup line is something really basic and annoys them?”.
I do not have a chance to date people at uni too since I’m even awkward to socialize and make new friends, let alone finding a date in uni.
Overall, I feel like the confidence I had as a teenager is more like a teenager not giving a f what he sounds like to other people or not caring whether he is annoying other people or not.
And not actual confidence a mature adult person have.
Can anyone gives me tips on how to be less socially awkward and have more confidence? Thanks.