Is it wrong to feel uncertain of my future with my bf because I don’t think he can support me? Before you call me materialistic, please hear me out.
He majors in a field that gets maybe so-so money, and he has no interest in starting up his own business because he doesn’t have the capital and interest. On the other hand, I come from a decent family background whose family always grinded onto me to be my own boss, and I truly do want to start my own business. For one, I find it very unsatisfying to work under someone, so if my business fails, I think I will just be a housewife. Coming from a good family background, I am not used to nor will I accept living in small HDBs located in some ulu areas, so the kind of house I am alright with living in would be expensive in Singapore’s context.
I think if my business doesn’t succeed, we will not be able to live a comfortable life at all. I’m not asking for cars or bungalows, but at least a decent house in a convenient location, and being able to afford a yearly family trip. And I have to admit, I tend to like and buy more branded goods (not super brands like Chanel, but still branded enough to cost more). I feel like if my business does not take off, I have to forgo so many things that I doubt I’ll be in a happy place.
Call me traditional, but honestly I would feel much happier if a man can provide for me rather than me earning all the bacon. So even if my business takes off, I am afraid that our relationship is off-balance and I would feel more like the provider than the one being cared for.
Personality wise, I think my bf is the very easygoing kind, he doesn’t have any expectations of me at all, which I think is one of his strongest points. However, I can’t help but feel that he is too laidback to aim higher in life – he’s the kind who is content with the bare minimum in terms of everything, from clothes, to houses, and of course his gf. He also games a lot, so I’m not too confident of his parenting/’husbanding’ skills as that would leave little time to care for his family if this does on. In contrast, I am the kanchiong kind who is always aiming very high (academics, where I want to live, building my own MNC etc), so I am not sure if we are such a good fit in that sense. Those who says opposite attracts – it’s actually a misconception and people are better off marrying someone with common principles and values.
I know, from all these it’s easy for many of you to criticize me for being materialistic. If liking and buying expensive things is called materialism, then yes I am materialistic. But just… try to put yourself in my position. I have lived my whole life comfortably and been taught to expect the same in the future. My parents for one won’t be pleased if I were to marry someone who can’t provide for me. It’s probably hard for most of you to understand my situation if you guys come from normal family background, so I won’t expect any of you to understand. In fact, I can foresee people would just comment I am too materialistic, which is not wrong.
So in the end, I guess I just wonder if we are ever going to work out or if it’s better off to go our separate ways because the difference in principles and values are just too much? I can honestly say that even if I forgo all those materialistic stuff, I would not feel happy.
Also, I’m wondering how on earth do other married couples work out? I think it’s next to impossible to have only one breadwinner in the household unless he or she is earning over 5K a month or the family lives in some ulu small HDB and live with the bare minimum. And I also wonder what other couples think with regards to their future. Are they okay with living minimally? Will both of you work and leave the kids with a maid/grandparents (seems like the answer is yes)? I think the living costs in Singapore is just ridiculous:(