Why do some people choose to have children even when they are emotionally irresponsible or do not have the financial means?
As per the title, why do some people still choose to have children when they can’t even care for themselves emotionally and financially?
I come from a very big family and the adults never once provided me with enough financial and emotional support as far back as I can remember. I do feel fortunate to be alive to enjoy living now but looking back, it was a struggle to even live. From the beginning, I never had enough to eat and I never had a caring parent. I’m the type that doesn’t let my past define me but it’s very sad to hear that I am not the only one especially when I talk to people much younger people both online and around me.
Personally, I find it unethical to bring a child into the world knowing that they will suffer a lack of basic necessities and opportunities. Having a child is also a moral obligation to provide for their physical, emotional, and psychological needs from the time they are born and sometimes, unfortunately until the moment they die.
I find irresponsible parenting very very serious as it results in emotional neglect, which can lead to long-term emotional scars and developmental challenges for the child. Like myself, I have met other people who have had to go through this.. People should know better these days on the impact it can have on themselves and the child if they are unfit or not ready to be a parent.
What’s worse is the excuses that are usually given… Like “I need the child to provide for me in my golden years”. Or to” please my parents and relatives or to please my partner’s parents with a grandchild”. Like omg, what in the world messed their heads up so badly for them to think of those things as a priority. I find this kind of thinking ethically questionable as it neglects essentials aspect of what it means to be a parent in the first place.
Perhaps, some people might think my “standard” of being a parent is too high.. If I decided to become a parent, I would make sure my children would never have a thing to worry about any sort of finances and be someone who teaches what it means to be human, not take things for granted and always look at another person’s values.
Like it’s easy for me to say when I am not a parent yet but I really mean it when I say I won’t change my stance because these are the “standards” that I put on myself long ago. I think it will be crucial for me to always try my best and max it out to the best of my ability because I know I am responsible for another person’s life and possibly their entire life.
If my child needs a six-digit figure for a prestigious uni or to fulfil their dreams or for a medical treatment, I will make sure I will wring myself dry to provide for them and eat less meals everyday if that is what it will take. That’s what being a parent means to me, putting them first before putting me first, no matter what shit I need to go through. It may not be feasible if I were to have too many children too, so I might just only have one or two.
I also want them to be able to say that even if their old man wasn’t the richest, he was someone who always was there for them emotionally, is remembered as a good family man and never once said anything about taking care of him when he got old. I really expect nothing in return if I had children and I will plan in advance to retire based on my savings alone.
That’s the kind of parent I want to be. I want them to have a fulfilling childhood with lots of fun, things to eat and places to go to. I want them to grow up with at least with a “decent” quality of life, be able to explore different opportunities in education and be outstanding adults who know right from wrong.
What do you guys think? My family was of the sort that could never provide for me financially or emotionally in the first place. I feel very bad for people who had to grow up living in similar households. Furthermore, if someone is really that poor or really can’t handle having a child, it might be better to give the child up to someone who can provide for them. It’s happened around me and I am happy for them because they are happier