I’m not sure how to proceed with my GF of 15 years I was ready to propose to after she revealed she had 28k in debt
In the day by day flow, my GF and I get a long rather well. She is seemingly head over heels with me even when I can’t stand myself. However longer term planning is clearly a skill that we both don’t share.
For the last ten years I have made the majority of the income due to being a software dev. And as such have been happy to cover more if not all of some expenses.
In the future we agreed to move overseas since my skillset was in demand and I love cities and seeing the world, and there is more money out there.
Our understanding was that this would help her pay off her education loan debt for her uni, which I was led to believe there was $10k of.
It turns out not only was that not paid off in the last ten years, but she has $28k of debt, and not just the education loan.
The culmination of being in a 15 year relationship that has slowly gone from “Sweethearts” to ‘bitter that she has no plan” is tearing me up inside.
I’m constantly enraged that half of my life has been spent with someone who never seemed to seriously consider that their life is attached to someone else.
I’m terrified to propose because of sunken cost fallacy and I’m terrified of ignoring every warning sign and ending up miserable hating my partner at 50.
I’m also terrified of trying to min/max life and ditching her just to realize that I was over exaggerating. To go “live my life” but have it actually suck.
If I dump her and move away I’m effectively starting over socially.
I believe she never seriously made plans because she has a relatively more stable family network and connections.
I have always been more of a loner and just wanted to see the world and be a digital nomad. I’m 50% sure if I leave her and start a world tour then WWIII will immediately break out