My (35f) husband (44m) is a good man but whenever he does the dishes, folds laundry, or goes to the store, he says I have to “pay” for that with my body (ie blowing him or sleeping with him). If I don’t, he gets all pouty and sulks for a bit.
Example: today we were attending our nephew’s birthday party and we needed to get a gift. I was more than willing to go buy a present but my husband said “I’ll go get it – no worries!” So he goes and comes back and tells me “now you gotta pay up” while grabbing himself.
This isn’t normal, right? I know I’m probably not making things better by just doing it because he gets all bent out of shape if I don’t and I do it to shut him up.
It’s not like we don’t get intimate normally. Like this isn’t the only time he gets some. But I’m tired of him using this as a tactic to just perform basic functions around the house or tasks that needed to be done anyway.
I’m going to clarify a few things (NOTE: I’m not defending or condoning his behavior):
- I should have been more specific – this does not happen EVERY TIME he does a task/chore. It does happen pretty regularly but I definitely do not help the situation by giving in.
- THIS IS NOT A TURN ON. To be honest, I’m not really attracted to his advance tactics usually. When we first started dating/got married, yes I was attracted to him but it has gone down in recent years.
- I recognize this now as coercion. So I will be having a long chat with him, however, he doesn’t respond very well to criticism.
I’m not stupid, people. I just didn’t know how to handle this and I appreciate all the comments and messages reaching out.
I have been becoming more confident and vocal about what I want and expect from him. Granted, it usually turns into a fight because he claims I’m being selfish and dramatic. (Gaslighting, I know) I’m working on a plan – I’m not in the best place financially (we keep our finances separate) so I want to make sure I have that figured out before I get me and my son out. I do know I’m being gaslit – he doesn’t seem to think so. Can someone gaslight you without realizing it? Anyway – I appreciate all of you. Please ask anything. I want to be confident in myself and my decisions. 🙂