Wah, this one not just loser, this one is Level 99 Legend of Bo-Chup.
You know that kind of guy? Let’s call him Ah Huat. Ah Huat is the type where his Grab driver take wrong turn also he will post Instagram Story with black background and Taylor Swift sad song. But his latest stunt? Sibei jialat.
The “Terminal” Strategy
So Ah Huat fallen head over heels for this Thai dancer, May, from the KTV at some siam diu. But May is smart one, she see Ah Huat—belly like bao, wallet like tissue paper—she ignore him lah.
Suddenly, one night, Ah Huat show up at the club wearing a hospital wristband. He never even take it off from his dental check-up last time! He sit there, coughing like his lung going to fly out.
”May… I don’t have much time,” he whisper, eyes all watery.
May stop pouring the Martell. “Hia, what happen?!”
”Doctor say… I got Stage 4 Rare Korean Drama Syndrome,” Ah Huat lie until his face also don’t red. “Heart broken, liver failing. My last wish is just to hold your hand while we eat Mookata.”
The Sympathy Flower
Wah lau, the Siam Bu really soft-hearted. She start to cry! She give him free drinks, she even let him use her staff discount. For two weeks, Ah Huat is living the dream. He pretend to be weak, “cannot walk,” so May have to hold his arm. He order the $88 Seafood Platter, then sigh, “Aiya, money no use where I’m going.”
Of course, May pays.
His friends all see him at the coffee shop the next day, eating Prata like a beast.
“Eh Huat, you not dying meh?”
“Shhh! Don’t loud voice! I still got three more weeks of free Mookata!”
The Kantang Moment
The “Nuclear Plan” fail when May’s cousin, who is a real nurse at TTSH, come to the club to celebrate birthday.
May bring Ah Huat over, all sad-looking. “Cousin, please check him. He say he got terminal condition.”
The nurse take one look at Ah Huat. She look at his “medical report” (which was actually just a receipt for McSpicy). She look at his wristband.
”Oi, this wristband is from the 24-hour clinic for flu jab right? And why you say you dying but your TikTok got video of you doing 10km marathon yesterday?”
The Aftermath
The whole KTV go silent. May’s face turn from “pity” to “Godzilla” in 0.5 seconds.
She didn’t even say anything. She just took the ice bucket—the one with the half-melted ice and Tiger Beer condensation—and SAYUR it straight over Ah Huat’s head.
”You want to see heaven? I send you there now!” she scream in Thai.
Ah Huat run out of the club so fast, his “failing heart” suddenly 100% healthy. Now, he cannot go Golden Mile, cannot go Thai Disco. He just sit at home, eating cup noodles alone.
Moral of the story: Don’t use your life as a script, because when the director call “Cut,” you’re the one getting cut out of the frame. Sibei loser, man.