Uncle asked me to teach him how to use an iPad… because Pearl Centre is gone. 💀
I think I just reached a new level of “Tech Support” that they don’t cover in the Apple Genius Bar manual.
My Uncle (the kind who still carries a Nokia and smells exclusively of Tiger Balm) came over today with a brand new iPad. I thought, “Wah, Uncle finally joining the 21st century! Maybe he wants to watch stocks or YouTube fishing videos.”
Me: “Wah Uncle, iPad ah! Want me to teach you how to use Zoom or check the 4D results is it?”
Uncle: “Boy ah, don’t talk so much. You just show me how to open the ‘Internet.’ Last time I go Pearl Centre to see ‘show’, now the building gone, I don’t know where to go.”
Me: “Oh… you mean the movies? Uncle, Chinatown still got the Golden Village what.”
Uncle: (Stares at me with pure disappointment) “Not that kind of movie lah. The RA kind. The ‘Blue’ one. The building gone already, my friend say now must use this ‘tablet’ thing. I want to see the Japanese one.”
Y’all. I froze.
The man is looking at me with the most sincere, innocent face, asking for a portal to the Forbidden Lands because his physical headquarters was demolished years ago. He really thought the internet was just a digital replacement for the “secret” DVD shops in the basement of Pearl Centre.
The lessons today included:
- How to open Safari: (He called it the “Compass to Heaven”).
- Incognito Mode: I told him this is the “Ghost Mode” so his wife won’t find out. He nodded like I was teaching him a high-level Taoist secret.
- Volume Control: Most important step. I had to explain that unlike Pearl Centre, the iPad has speakers that everyone can hear.
The worst part? After I set up a “shortcut” for him, he patted my shoulder and said, “Boy, you very clever. Next time I buy you durian. Better than Pearl Centre, this one can zoom in.”
I need to bleach my soul. If any of you see an Uncle at a Kopitiam staring very intensely at an iPad with one hand under the table, please… just walk away.
TL;DR: Pearl Centre’s legacy lives on in my Uncle’s Safari bookmarks. Technology is a gift, but sometimes it’s a curse.