Is this a trap? I feel like I’m walking through a minefield and I haven’t even left the house yet.
Context: My secondary school clique finally organized a gathering after months of trying. We’re all in our late 30s, mostly “uncle” status now. The plan was simple: dinner at a zi char place followed by a few hours of singing at a Teo Heng-style KTV. Nothing dodgy, just a group of tired men shouting Jay Chou lyrics off-key to feel young again.
As I was putting on my shoes, I told my wife, “Babe, I’m heading out. Probably be back by midnight.”
She didn’t even look up from her phone. She just said, “Okay, have fun. Use protection ah.”
I froze. One foot was literally mid-air. I turned around and asked, “WTF? Use protection for what? We are going to sing ‘Rice Field’ and ‘Love Before AD’, not ‘The Phantom of the Opera’ at a lup sup bar.”
She just shrugged and said, “Just in case lor. Better safe than sorry.”
Now I am sitting in the Grab and I’m spiraling. There are only three ways to interpret this, and all of them lead to me sleeping on the sofa tonight:
1. The Ultimate Loyalty Test: She thinks I’m actually going to a “special” KTV with “flower joints” and she’s giving me a “test” to see how I react. If I don’t get defensive, I’m guilty. If I do get defensive, I’m also guilty. There is no winning.
2. The Health Freak Interpretation: Maybe she means protection against the new Covid variant or some crazy flu going around? Is she asking me to wear an N95 while trying to hit the high notes in She Says? Singing through a mask is basically waterboarding yourself.
3. The Reverse Psychology: She’s so chill that it’s actually terrifying. Is she saying this because she wants me to feel so guilty that I come home by 10 PM instead?
The worst part is the “WTF” reaction I gave. The moment I said it, she laughed. But was it a “you’re cute” laugh or a “I’ve caught you” laugh? Singaporean wives have this special ability to deliver a death threat disguised as casual banter.
I’ve already texted the boys to confirm we are strictly staying at the family-friendly outlet. I’m even planning to take a photo of the “No Alcohol” sign and the middle-aged auntie cleaning the microphones just to send to her as evidence.
Has anyone else’s spouse ever dropped a line like this? Am I overthinking, or should I just cancel the KTV and go home to wash the toilets now?
TL;DR: Told wife I’m going KTV with the boys. She told me to use protection. Now I’m wondering if I should book a lawyer or a Grab home.