I cannot make this s**t up. Was scrolling through job sites just now because the job market is already a dumpster fire, and I stumbled upon a listing that actually made me alt-f4 out of pure frustration.
The title says: “Associate Systems Analyst – Fresh Graduates Welcome!”
Sounds great, right? Perfect for someone looking to get their foot in the door. Then I scroll down to the “Requirements” section and I nearly choked on my Kopi O.
- Minimum 8–10 years of experience in Enterprise Infrastructure.
- Must have led at least 3 global migration projects.
- Expertise in legacy systems that were phased out before most fresh grads were even in primary school.
HELLO?? ARE YOU SMOKING THE GOOD STUFF OR WHAT?? How can you put “Fresh Grad” and “10 Years Experience” in the same document? This is the peak of Singapore HR logic. It’s like saying “Looking for a virgin with 5 kids.” The math is not mathing, the logic is not logic-ing.
I’m convinced these HR folks just copy-paste job descriptions from 2012, slap a “Fresh Grad” tag on it to meet some government quota or fair hiring grant requirement, and then offer a salary that wouldn’t even cover the installments on a 3-room BTO in Jurong West.
You want a 37-year-old veteran with a decade of blood, sweat, and server migrations, but you want to pay them like an intern? Or are you looking for a 23-year-old time traveler? Because unless that fresh grad started configuring Cisco routers while they were in the womb, there is no physical way to meet these requirements.
And the best part? They’ll probably ghost you anyway. You spend two hours tailoring your CV, making sure you highlight every single skill, and then you get the automated “We have decided not to move forward with your application” email at 3:00 AM. Probably because I don’t have 15 years of experience in a software that was only invented 3 years ago.
The entitlement of some companies in SG is actually insane. They want a “rockstar,” “ninja,” “all-rounder” who can do the job of three people, work 9-9-6, and accept “growth opportunities” as a substitute for a fair bonus.
KNN, if you want a senior, hire a senior and pay senior rates. Don’t insult our intelligence by masquerading it as an entry-level role. This kind of “smoking” behavior is why everyone is so burnt out. Honestly, the HR person who wrote this needs to go back to primary school and learn the definition of the word “Fresh.”
Rant over. Going to go eat my $3.50 cai fan and cry over my browser tabs. Bo beh chiu.