I don’t even know how to start this. My father, 71, was diagnosed with Stage 3 colorectal cancer two months ago. He’s currently on chemotherapy at SGH — the oncologist says the treatment response is okay so far but we’re looking at a long road ahead. Immunotherapy is on the table depending on how the next scan goes. He’s mentally sharp, just physically very drained from the chemo side effects.
My mum passed away in 2019. So it’s just me (37F), my brother Kelvin (42M), and our father. And I’m telling you, nothing reveals a family’s fault lines faster than a serious illness and money on the table.
Here’s the situation: my father never made a Lasting Power of Attorney. No will either, even though we’ve been asking him for years. He owns three properties — the HDB flat we grew up in, a private condo in Jurong he bought as investment property in 2011, and a small shophouse in Geylang that he co-owns with a business partner. On top of that, he has a whole life insurance policy he took in the 80s, a term life policy, and a hospitalisation plan (thankfully the Medishield Life and an integrated shield plan, so the cancer treatment is somewhat covered — otherwise we’d be completely wiped out). He also has a substantial CPF balance across OA, SA, and MA with CPF nominations made years ago — but I’m not sure if those nominations are updated after my mum passed.
And then there’s the crypto. My dad, bless him, got very into Bitcoin and Ethereum around 2020. My brother helped him set up a hardware wallet. Now my brother claims he doesn’t have the seed phrase. My father says he wrote it down “somewhere safe.” We have looked everywhere. We are talking potentially six figures sitting in a wallet nobody can access. A crypto asset recovery specialist quoted us $3,000 just to assess feasibility. That’s before they even try anything.
Kelvin wants to appoint a lawyer immediately and start formalising everything while my dad is still mentally capable of signing. I agree with the principle but Kelvin has also been making comments like “the shophouse rental income should be split equally” and “I handled all his investments so I should get a fee” — things that are making me very uncomfortable. I consulted a friend who works at a law firm (not his specialisation but he gave me a general sense) and he said if my dad loses mental capacity without an LPA in place, we’d have to apply to the court to be appointed as a Deputy under the Mental Capacity Act, which is expensive, slow, and stressful.
So I booked an appointment with an estate planning lawyer. $400 for the first consultation. The lawyer confirmed: no will plus no LPA is a nightmare scenario. She recommended we do an urgent will, an LPA, and also review the CPF nominations, insurance beneficiary designations, and figure out the property ownership structures — turns out the shophouse is under a tenancy-in-common arrangement which has different rules from joint tenancy when someone passes.
Meanwhile I’m the one accompanying my dad to his chemo sessions every Tuesday and Thursday. Managing his medication schedule. Coordinating with the palliative care coordinator even though we’re not at that stage yet — she said it’s better to build the relationship early. Kelvin shows up maybe twice a month, then has very strong opinions about asset distribution.
I love my brother but I genuinely don’t know if I can trust him right now. My father keeps saying “don’t fight, wait until I’m gone then settle” which is the most heartbreaking and unhelpful thing he could possibly say. I’ve started seeing a therapist — first time in my life — because the grief and stress and legal complexity is just too much to hold alone. Caregiver burnout is very real and I don’t want to reach breaking point.
If anyone here has navigated estate planning, property inheritance, CPF nominations, or sibling disputes over a parent’s assets — please share. Especially if you have experience with the LPA application process or know of a good estate lawyer who doesn’t charge an arm and a leg. I just want my dad to get his affairs in order and spend whatever time we have left not fighting about money.