I’m your typical Singaporean guy—NS-trained, corporate job in CBD, married to a wonderful woman for 8 years, and we have two primary school kids. On the outside, I’m the “steady” husband who handles the mortgage and takes the kids to tuition. But inside? I have this overwhelming, recurring dream of wearing a soft, fluffy, light pink ballet tutu.
It’s not even a sick thing in the way people usually think. It’s more about the aesthetics and the feeling of lightness. In our society, everything for men is so rigid. It’s all Uniqlo dri-fit, navy blue trousers, and the weight of being a “provider.” When I see those delicate, layers of tulle in shop windows or online, I feel this intense envy. I want to know what it feels like to twirl in something that isn’t a heavy denim pair of jeans or formal office slacks.
Sometimes when the wife and kids are at her mother’s place for the weekend, I find myself hovering over “Add to Cart” on Lazada or Shopee for a basic pink tutu. But then the “kiasi” kicks in. What if the delivery rider leaves it at the riser and the neighbor sees? What if I forget to delete my search history and my daughter asks why Papa is looking at ballerina clothes?
I love my wife to death, and she’s progressive, but this feels like a “boss level” confession that might actually break her perception of me. I don’t want to transition, and I’m not gay—I just want to be a man in a pink skirt for once without the world collapsing.
Is there anyone else out there? Or am I just the only “Unker” in Singapore who wants to swap his bermudas for a tutu? Honestly, the stress of hiding this is starting to feel heavier than the 2.4km run during IPPT.