I’ve been dating my boyfriend for slightly over a year now. On paper, he’s the “dream” guy every Singaporean auntie wants for her daughter. He’s a total gentleman, extremely polite, soft-spoken, and honestly treats me with so much respect. The first year was a total honeymoon phase—non-stop sweet Telegram messages, meeting every weekend without fail, and just generally vibing.
But lately, the “perfect” facade is starting to feel like a wall.
I’ve noticed a very draining pattern. Whenever we talk about anything—from where to eat at Jewel to more serious life goals—he either stays silent or just gives a very neutral, “safe” opinion. At first, I thought he was just easygoing. But I’ve realized he’s actually just mirroring me. If I say I like a certain BTO location, he likes it. If I suddenly change my mind and say the amenities there suck, he’ll immediately agree and find reasons why it sucks too.
It’s like I’m dating a reflection, not a person.
The most frustrating part is when things get slightly “heavy.” If I try to discuss a sensitive topic or if there’s a minor disagreement, he completely shuts down. No shouting, no arguing—just pure “stone” mode. And the worst part? His go-to defense mechanism is to suggest we just break up. It’s like he’s so afraid of offending me or “losing” an argument that he’d rather throw the whole relationship away than have an honest, slightly messy conversation.
I suspect it’s an inferiority complex. He comes from a very humble background, and I think he feels like he has to be “perfect” and agreeable to stay with me. I’ve tried telling him, “Oi, I don’t bite leh!” and that I actually value his real thoughts, even if we disagree. I want a partner who can stand up for himself, not a “Yes Man” who is constantly walking on eggshells.
My question to the SG community:
How do I get him to realize that having an opinion isn’t “disrespectful”? To those who have dealt with partners with low self-esteem or a “humble” background, how do you make them feel safe enough to disagree? I love him and don’t want to break up, but I can’t be in a relationship with a mirror forever.
Help a sister out. Any advice or similar experiences?