Throwaway account because this level of concentrated entitlement might actually track me down and steal my grab vouchers. I am still shaking from the pure audacity.
We all know Singaporeans can be a bit kiasu, right? Choping tables with tissue packets, pretending to sleep on the MRT when a pregnant lady boards, or rushing to the front of the buffet line like they haven’t eaten since the 1965 separation. Standard behavior. But today, I met the absolute undisputed heavyweight champion of selfishness. This guy makes the typical corporate snake look like Mother Teresa.
So I was at a popular mall food court during the peak 12:30 PM lunch crowd. You know the vibe—people are circling like vultures, eyes darting, looking for anyone who is down to their last grain of rice. It’s a battlefield.
I finally spot a family of four packing up their bowls. Victory! I start walking over, but out of nowhere, this middle-aged guy in a premium polo shirt and luxury slippers slips past me like a ninja. Fine, he got there first. Fair game.
But instead of sitting down or using a normal tissue packet to chop, this man proceeds to pull out FOUR separate, giant water bottles from his backpack. He places one bottle on every single chair of the 4-seater table.
Naturally, I thought, “Oh, okay, his colleagues or family are coming, heng I didn’t sit.”
Bro. HE WAS ALONE.
I watched him walk over to the chicken rice stall, order ONE plate, and walk back. He then removes one water bottle, sits down, and leaves the other three bottles on the remaining chairs.
A young couple carrying heavy trays and a toddler comes up to him, super politely asking, “Excuse me, boss, anyone sitting here?”
This legendary piece of human garbage looks up, chews his roasted meat slowly, and says in the most deadpan, arrogant tone: “Yeah, my bags are sitting there. I don’t like people sitting too close to me when I eat. Social distancing, you know?”
ALAMAK. Social distancing? In 2026?! In a packed Amoy-style food court during lunch hour?! The couple looked stunned, apologized, and had to wander off with a crying kid.
I was sitting at the adjacent counter just staring at him. This man literally occupied a prime 4-seater family table in a crowded CBD mall just so his branded backpack and extra-large water tumblers could have a comfortable lunch experience. He didn’t even look guilty. He was scrolling TikTok on maximum volume without earphones, entirely at peace with his own villainy.
If selfishness was an Olympic sport, this guy would be standing on the podium alone because he probably bought out the silver and bronze spots just so nobody could stand near him.
Please tell me I’m not crazy. What is the most selfish thing you’ve seen a fellow countryman do? Because right now, I feel like we need to bring back public caning for food court etiquette.
TL;DR: Man chopes a 4-seater table with water bottles during peak lunch hour just so his backpack can have its own seat, tells a family with a toddler to go away because he “needs personal space.”