Throwaway account because if my mother finds out her eldest son is converting his hard-earned Singapore dollars into flower garlands for a girl named Cherry, she will actually cane him until 2030. Please tell me how to wake this idiot up.
We always joke about guys losing their minds at Siam Dius (Thai disco bars), but I didn’t know it was a legitimate medical condition until last weekend. My 37-year-old brother—who is usually a sensible, calculating guy who monitors his day to day a hawk—has completely lost his goddamn mind.
It all started on Friday night. A few of his friends dragged him out to this sketchy, neon-lit lounge. He was just sitting there, sipping his green tea, looking bored. But then, one of the Siam Bus (Thai hostesses) walked over. According to his friends, she didn’t even do much. She just leaned down, whispered “Thirak” (which means ‘darling’ in Thai) directly into his ear, and blew a tiny puff of air.
BOOM. Damage dealt: 9999 HP. Critical hit.
That one whispered word completely rewired his brain. It was like a psychological activation phrase for maximum financial ruin. He went from a kiasu Singaporean saver to a legendary philanthropist in the span of three seconds.
Since that night, my brother has been living in an alternate reality. He keeps staring at his phone, smiling like a total local idiot. Yesterday, I caught him looking at his bank app and calculation spreadsheets. I asked him what he was doing, and this guy looked me dead in the eye and said:
“Bro, Cherry really loves me. She called me ‘Thirak.’ Nobody has ever spoken to my soul like that. I am thinking of clearing my Tiger Trade portfolio, maxing out my credit card limits to buy her the $10,000 crown next week, and honestly… if she wants to move in, I can sign over my share of the family HDB flat also. Money is just paper, bro. Love is real.”
ALAMAK. I almost fell off my chair. Sign over the flat?! Max out the credit cards?! For a girl whose job description is literally to make lonely men feel like Brad Pitt for $500 an hour?!
I tried to talk some sense into him. I shouted, “Eh wake up la! She says ‘Thirak’ to fifty different guys every single night! To her, ‘Thirak’ means ‘ATM machine that breathes’!” But he just shook his head, looked at me with pity, and said I don’t understand the depth of their connection. He is genuinely prepared to give this woman his cash, his future, his credit cards, and the roof over our heads just because she made eye contact and muttered a two-syllable Thai word.
The Siam Bu spell is too powerful, guys. It bypassed all his IT security protocols and firewalls. If your brother or friend goes down this path, lock up his passport and hide his token because once the ‘Thirak’ enters the ear, the wallet is officially open for business.
How to stage an intervention before my brother becomes completely bankrupt and starts living on a diet of plain white rice? Help!
TL;DR: Brother went to a Thai disco, Siam Bu whispered ‘Thirak’ in his ear, and now he is ready to liquidate all his assets, surrender his credit cards, and give her our house. The delusion is real.