SMLJ?? I really cannot take it anymore, must come here and space out before my brain blood vessel burst.
My boss is a premium, grade-A, certified micromanaging psycho. Today he drop a new department policy in our WhatsApp group chat. From today onwards, if we want to leave our desk to go toilet, we must drop a message in the chat: “Going toilet now, will be back in 5 mins.” Then when you touch your mouse again, must type: “Back at desk.”
EH HELLO!!! I am a grown-ass working adult paying CPF and income tax, or I am a Primary 1 student at Nan Chiau Primary School? Go pang sai also must report? What is next? If I constipate and need 12 minutes instead of 5, do I need to submit a formal MC or take annual leave? Must I take a photo of the toilet bowl for proof of productivity?
Every time I see his face, my blood pressure shoot up higher than HDB resale prices. I was so tempted to reply in the group chat: “Boss, sorry, currently orh pi sai (digging nose). Got one stubborn booger stuck inside. Estimated time to clear obstacle: 3 minutes. Will update when my nostril is cleared and fully operational. Need to log this into the Timesheet or not?”
Seriously, these kind of local SMEs really give Singapore work culture a bad name. Salary give peanut, but want to track your bladder capacity. You pay me to do my job, deliver my KPIs, and handle my projects. You do not pay me to geo-tag my bowel movements.
Yesterday I went to fill up my water bottle—only took like 2 minutes because the water dispenser water pressure damn slow—and when I came back, he was standing next to my chair staring at his Apple Watch like he is a Olympic referee. He literally asked me, “Where did you go? I messaged you on Teams and you didn’t reply for 120 seconds.”
Bro, I am an employee, not an electronic ankle tag monitor for prisoners. If you spend less time tracking my toilet breaks and more time actually finding new clients, our company wouldn’t be doing so badly.
Anyone else facing this kind of absolute clown behavior? I am already updating my resume and LinkedIn. Cannot stand this kind of toxic, stifling environment anymore. If you want to micromanage until like that, go buy a Tamagotchi la, don’t hire human beings!
TL;DR: Boss wants us to report toilet breaks in WhatsApp. Waiting for him to ask for a spreadsheet of my daily urine volume.