YOUNGSTER CALL IT ‘SIMPING’, UNCLES CALL IT “JI HONG”, SO MANY DESPERATE MEN SIA 🤦♂️
I swear to god, the amount of desperation running through the veins of Singaporean men these days is a national crisis. We don’t need a declining birth rate to wipe us out; our own absolute, pathetic lack of spine will do it first.
The Gen Z kids go online and call it “simping.” The pioneer generation uncles at the coffee shop call it “ji hong” (二红). Different era, different vocabulary, but the exact same level of clown behaviour. Why are Singaporean men like this, sia? Seriously, wake up your idea!
Let’s start with the young ones. You see them on TikTok and Instagram, flooding the comments of some random influencer who is just lip-syncing to a 10-second audio clip. “Omg queen, you look so pretty, please notice me!” Bro, she doesn’t know you exist. She only knows her bank account balance is going up because your lonely, thirst-driven engagement is driving her algorithm. I see guys buying hundreds of dollars of merchandise or subscribing to OnlyFans just to get a generic “Thank you, generic-username-99!” during a livestream. Wah, congratulations, your ancestors must be so proud of your financial investments. You are literally paying to be ignored in high-definition.
Then you look at the older generation—the “ji hong” uncles. Walk into any heartland KTV lounge or getai during Hungry Ghost Festival, and the second a young, heavily-filtered singer from across the causeway steps onto the stage, these uncles lose all their remaining brain cells. They are willing to spend their hard-earned CPF, money they should be using for their cataracts or high blood pressure medication, just to buy a $500 flower garland to hang around her neck. For what? For her to smile at them for two seconds and call them “Big Brother”? Uncle, your wife at home is struggling to carry the Sheng Siong plastic bags up the HDB stairs, and you are here treating a KTV lounge like it’s your personal palace. You think you are a king, but you are just an ATM with a receding hairline.
Whether you are 19 or 69, the desperation is the same. It is so embarrassing. It’s like Singaporean men have a genetic defect where the moment a female looks in their general direction, their dignity just completely evaporates. If we put half the energy we use for simping into solving the cost of living, Singapore would be a superpower by next Tuesday.
Please, I beg you all, have some self-respect. Stop being so xia suay (disgraceful). If you want to throw money away for zero return, just go buy 4D. At least Singapore Pools won’t leave you on ‘Read’.