I am writing this from the toilet right now, and I am completely bewildered by the domestic dispute that just occurred outside the door.
My wife and I have been married for a few years, living in a standard 4-room HDB flat. The layout means the common toilet is right near the living room. Just now, I had a very normal, very necessary biological urge. I went in, did my business, flushed, washed up, and stepped out.
The moment I opened the door, my wife looked at me like I had just committed a biochemical war crime. She blocked her nose, started gagging, and literally yelled, “Why is your pangsai always so incredibly smelly?! It smells like something died inside your colon! Can you go check a doctor or change your diet?!”
I stood there completely stunned. Hello? It is literally human waste. Am I supposed to poop out lavender buds? Am I supposed to be digesting potpourri every morning so that my digestive tract produces the scent of Chanel No. 5?
She was dead serious and kept grumbling about how it ruined her morning vibe while she was trying to drink her coffee. She even accused me of doing it on purpose by “holding it in” just to make it worse, which makes absolutely zero logical sense.
Let’s look at the facts here. I eat a normal Singaporean diet. Yes, maybe yesterday I had McSpicy for lunch and some caifan with extra chili and mutton rendang for dinner, but that is standard local fare. Anyone who has ever touched a McSpicy knows the next morning comes with a certain level of elemental consequence. It’s a national rite of passage. You cannot expect a high-octane spice profile to exit the system smelling like a fresh breeze at East Coast Park.
What makes it so absurd is the sheer double standard. When she spends 45 minutes in the toilet doing her own business, she walks out and acts like nothing happened, even though the toilet smells like an absolute swamp. But the moment I occupy the throne for ten minutes, it’s a national crisis that requires an immediate lifestyle intervention.
I already do the basic etiquette—I do the courtesy flush halfway through to minimize the air pollution, and I turn on the ventilation fan max speed. But in a confined HDB flat, there is only so much engineering can do against nature. Short of consuming air freshener capsules directly for breakfast, I don’t know what else she expects from me.
Just wanted to throw this out here because I am genuinely amused and slightly annoyed. To all the married folks in SG, is this a standard household argument, or is my wife uniquely expecting me to achieve the impossible feat of odorless defecation?