Guys, I need to share this because if I keep it inside me any longer, I might actually end up on the evening news.
Last night, I had the most spiritual, transcendent, life-changing dream of my entire life. In the dream, it was Thursday night, 9:35 PM. I opened the Singapore Pools app, thumb trembling like I drank five cups of Kopi-Gao on an empty stomach. Suddenly, all six numbers matched. GROUP 1 SOLE WINNER: $12,450,890.
My brain instantly bypassed all sensible financial planning. Did I think about buying a freehold condo in East Coast? No. Did I think about putting it into high-dividend stocks? Hell no. My very first thought was: Tomorrow morning, my boss is going to learn a very special lesson in organic waste management.
Fast forward to 9:30 AM in the dream. I strolled into the office wearing a Hawaiian shirt, Bermudas, and slippers, wearing sunglasses indoors. My toxic, micromanaging boss—the kind of guy who sends WhatsApp messages at 2:37 AM asking “Why slide 4 font size is 11pt instead of 12pt? Please advise ASAP”—saw me and immediately started barking.
“Eh! Why late?! Where is the Q3 forecast deck?! You know client meeting is in 30 minutes right?!”
I didn’t say a single word. I just walked straight into his corner office, maintained 100% deadpan eye contact, climbed up onto his shiny mahogany executive desk, unbuckled my belt, and dropped the most righteous, steaming, top-tier fresh fertilizer right in the middle of his mechanical keyboard and printed KPI report.
The entire office went dead silent. Even the air-con stopped blowing.
He stared at me, jaw hitting the floor, face turning the exact shade of a fresh Bandung drink. I zipped up, patted him gently on the shoulder, and said: “Consider this my immediate 0-day notice and my final 360-degree performance appraisal for you. Leaving you some fresh fertilizer so you finally know what you deserve and what you truly are deep down. Keep the change, bro.” Then I strutted out while my colleagues silently gave me a standing ovation.
Then… BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP.
My 7:00 AM phone alarm went off.
I woke up cold-sweating, staring at the ceiling fan for five solid minutes praying for a dream continuation. Opened my DBS app: Available Balance: $23.40. Opened WhatsApp: 14 unread messages from Boss sent at 1:14 AM asking why the Excel chart colors don’t look “dynamic” enough.
Now I am sitting at my desk, sipping cold $1.50 Kopi-O, smiling politely at his face while he screams at me about pie charts, quietly praying that tonight’s TOTO quickpick comes through so I can turn my dreams into reality.
Huat ah to everyone working under a toxic boss today. May your $1 quickpick be blessed so you can all deliver your own organic feedback.