I don’t want to start World War 3 at home. But I genuinely need to vent and see if I’m the crazy one here.
Context: My wife and I (both late 30s) have a young kid, monthly daycare fees, mortgage, insurance, parents’ allowance on my side, etc. We are working hard to build our savings, but with the cost of living in SG now, everything is damn expensive.
Enter my Father-In-Law. Every single month without fail, he will hit up my wife for “filial piety allowance.” We’re talking $600 to $800 every month. If my wife transfers late by a few days, he will drop passive-aggressive WhatsApp messages in the family chat like “Children nowadays forgot who raised them” or send those cringey forward messages about filial piety.
Here’s the kicker: HE IS LOADED.
This uncle owns a fully paid-off 5-room HDB and a private condo that he’s currently renting out for passive income. He gets thousands every month from his tenant, easily way more than what my wife and I take home combined after CPF! He goes on holiday to Japan/Europe twice a year, plays golf, and eats fancy cooked-food/seafood sessions with his kakis every week.
Meanwhile, my wife feels extreme guilt because of the whole traditional Asian mentality (“He’s still my father, must show respect”). Every time I try to bring it up, she gets defensive and says it’s her own salary anyway. But hello, we are a family! That $800/month could go into our kid’s enrichment classes, insurance, or our family emergency fund, instead of funding an old man’s third trip to Hokkaido.
Is this normal SG parent behavior? Is it pure greed, or is it power-tripping/control? How do I gently persuade my wife to set proper boundaries without making it look like I’m attacking her dad?
Any bro or sis experienced this before? How to handle without getting divorced? TIA.
Comments
- NTA. Your FIL is collecting filial piety tax like government collecting GST. Your wife needs to learn to say no, but don’t fight her directly. Frame it around your kid’s future.
- Renting condo still ask for allowance? Uncle is living the ultimate Singaporean dream, leeching off passive income AND children. 💀