Subreddit: r/singapore raw / advice
Need to let this out somewhere because if I tell my parents now, they will ask me to divorce immediately, and my mind is completely blank.
My husband (32M) told me two weeks ago that he was called up for a 5-day High-Key ICT (In-Camp Training). Everything seemed completely normal. He packed his SAF duffel bag, put on his No. 4 uniform, and even complained about how hot the weather was going to be and how he wasn’t looking forward to the 10km route march. He left the house last Tuesday morning.
Throughout the week, he kept his “ICT protocol” strictly. He would text me around 10 PM saying “lights out already, tired, going to sleep,” or “day time cannot use phone, commander very strict.” I completely trusted him. I even made sure to buy his favorite extra-spicy mala Xiang Guo to welcome him home when he “out-field” on Saturday.
The lie unravelled because of pure stupidity.
On Sunday morning, while he was in the shower, his phone rang. It was a group voice call on WhatsApp. The group chat name was “ICT Sep 2026 – Operation Batam.”
I usually never check his phone, but the group name caught my eye. I opened the chat.
There were dozens of photos and videos. No camps, no camo cream, no SAR 21. Just photos of him and three of his NS army mates at a resort villa, drinking beers by the pool, singing karaoke, and posing with several young women in very skimpy clothes. There were text messages discussing how much they tipped the ladies, jokes about “what happens in Batam stays in Batam,” and reminders to clear their browser histories before reaching HarbourFront ferry terminal.
He literally wore his uniform out of the house, changed at a friend’s place or the terminal, and took the ferry over. He spent 5 days indulging in prostitutes while telling me he was out in the jungle suffering for the nation.
When he came out of the bathroom, I confronted him with the chat open. At first, he tried to deny it, saying they were just “massage therapists” and nothing happened. Then he blamed his friends, saying he was “peer pressured” to go along because everyone in their unit squad does this. Finally, when I showed him the specific messages, he broke down, begged for forgiveness, and said it was a “one-off mistake.”
I feel utterly sickened and betrayed. The level of planning and deception it took to pull this off is insane.
Now he is sleeping on the sofa, crying and promising to go for marriage counseling, cut off those NS friends, and give me full access to his location and phone. But every time I look at him, I just feel disgusted. I also need to go get a full STI/STD screening done this week.
Has anyone gone through something similar? How do you even begin to process this kind of calculated deception? Is there any point in trying counseling, or should I just look for a divorce lawyer right away?