Throwaway because my friends know my main and will definitely give me shit for this.
For context, I’m 28M, working a typical 9-to-6 (more like 9-to-8 on bad days) corporate job in CBD. Recently went on a few dates with this girl (26F) I met on Hinge. At first, everything seemed super chill. Vibes were good, she’s funny, we had a great dinner at Tanjong Pagar, and we even went to East Coast Park to cycle the weekend after.
Then came the texting expectations.
Look, I’m not one of those guys who ghosts for 3 days and hits you with the “sorry just saw this” nonsense. When I’m free, I reply fast. When I’m at work, driving, or at the gym, my phone is on silent or in my bag. Pretty normal adult behavior, right? Apparently not to her.
Last Tuesday, I was stuck in back-to-back Teams calls from 2pm to 5pm. My boss was literally grilling my team over a client deck, so obviously I wasn’t checking my personal phone. By the time I stepped out to grab a kopi at 5.15pm, I saw 6 unread messages from her on WhatsApp, followed by a passive-aggressive “nvm forget it lol” and a Telegram message asking if I was “too busy for her now.”
When I called her on my walk to the MRT to explain I was in a meeting, she hit me with the classic: “If a guy really likes you, he will find 5 seconds to reply no matter what.”
I genuinely didn’t know how to respond without sounding defensive. Like, excuse me? Am I supposed to tell my director, “Hold on ah boss, let me reply to my Hinge date about what she wants to eat for dinner on Friday”?
It didn’t stop there. Yesterday, I was driving along the PIE during evening peak hour—raining heavily, jam all the way from Toa Payoh to Jurong. She texted me asking about some TikTok video she sent. Because I didn’t reply within 10 minutes, she started sulking and said she feels like she’s “not a priority” because I couldn’t even drop a quick reply. I literally told her I was driving in the rain and didn’t want to kena summon or crash my car, and her response was, “You can reply at red lights what.” On the PIE?! Which red light?!
I get that everyone has different communication styles and some people have anxious attachment, or maybe they’re just used to guys who are glued to their phones 24/7. And honestly, if you’re unemployed or your job allows you to scroll Instagram all day, good for you.
What frustrates me is the double standard and the sheer lack of basic empathy. We are working adults in Singapore—everyone is stressed, tired, and trying to survive the daily grind. Expecting someone to drop everything the second your notification pops up isn’t “knowing your worth” or having “high standards,” it’s just main character syndrome.
Anyway, I already told her nicely yesterday evening that I don’t think our lifestyles and communication expectations align, and wished her all the best. She left me on blue tick (ironic, I know).
Just needed to get this off my chest. Guys and girls of r/askSingapore, am I crazy for thinking this is unreasonable, or is instant replying actually the bare minimum nowadays?